IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land. What solution is better?

Homelessness and the price of homes are increasing like never before in
this
Linking Words
 century. Cities like New York, are launching projects that
builds
Change the verb form
build
show examples
 taller buildings,
for example
Linking Words
; skyscrapers, becoming
metropolitean
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 areas
while
Linking Words
 other cities often resort to creating houses
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
larger
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. But one question remains, which is the better option? Building apartments has very clear and straightforward benefits. More people are housed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a smaller area,
however
Linking Words
, it does have
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own challenges. Calculating the wind's force that exerts
onto
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the structure of the apartments and ensuring that it does not topple over requires big sums of investment and time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, you need to factor in the weight of the apartment and the amount of pressure it applies to the ground.
By comparison
Linking Words
, constructing abodes has upsides in the long run. Using environmentally friendly materials,
such
Linking Words
 as; wood and bricks, produces less carbon emissions than skyscrapers.
Also
Linking Words
, it is inexpensive relative to high-rise buildings
due to
Linking Words
 being shorter. Upgrades and remodelling are open to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 owners
thus
Linking Words
 having economic benefits as well.
However
Linking Words
, just like everything in life, both have their downsides. Towering buildings
correlates
Change the verb form
correlate
show examples
 to traffic as it brings in more residents to that area.
This
Linking Words
 could induce stress in the people living there and potentially have long-term effects on their mental and
overall
Linking Words
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sparsely placed homes could be using grounds that would be better suited for other use cases, like farmland or factories. And wider areas sometimes require cutting down forests
thus
Linking Words
 that they could be producing more carbon emissions than it saves.
While
Linking Words
 it is unclear
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which solution is better, it is vital to note that both have their use cases. Homelessness and housing problems should not force us to pick sides
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but work together to solve the underlying problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on which solution is better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use connectives, like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally', to make your points clearer.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your main points, especially when discussing the downsides of each solution.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar, like using 'its' instead of 'it's' when showing possession.
task achievement
You mentioned the benefits and downsides of both solutions, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
Your essay covers important issues like homelessness and the environment, which makes it relevant.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • sustainability
  • public transportation
  • green spaces
  • community connections
  • overcrowding
  • economic implications
  • infrastructure impact
  • maintenance costs
  • carbon footprint
  • compact city
  • habitat destruction
  • greenhouse gas emissions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: