IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents are better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #caregivers
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Some mothers and fathers say that providing
daycare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for
children
 under five is better,
while
 others argue that other family members
care
 for the
children
.
This
 essay will argue that
although
children
 give much attention to their grandmother or grandfather, we should consider grandparents' mental and physical health. On the one hand,
parents
 feel comfortable when their
children
 are entrusted to other family members because they will
care
 for the
children
 and give personal attention to them.
Children
 under five years are in a golden period of lifespan development. They need emotional and social support to enter the social community; appropriate caregivers are needed for them to develop social skills in society. Providing professional caregivers to
care
 for the
children
 is costly for several families.
For example
, the
parents
 in Jakarta should provide 3 million rupiahs for one caregiver to
care
 for the child.
On the other hand
, taking
care
 of
children
 harms the mental and physical health of older adults. Providing the best
daycare
 service for
children
 is the other solution. The
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 are provided near the office, and
parents
 can control them. The
parents
 will be more productive, and professionals will take
care
 of the
children
.
For example
, the
daycare
 service prepared by the custodian provided psychologists for developmental consultation for the
parents
. In conclusion, caregivers foreclose mental and physical energy for older adults because
children
 aged 1 to 5 years are active and need attention. Placing
children
 in
daycare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 with professionals could ensure
children
's psychological development and support
parents
 productively because they ensure their
children
's well-being.
Submitted by kristianningrumkiki on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and smooth transitions between points to enhance logical flow. Revised structuring could improve clarity and argument coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your points with detailed examples and explanations. This makes your essay more persuasive and showcases your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, offering a balanced view. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear start and end to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • professional care
  • developmental stages
  • cognitive development
  • physical development
  • social development
  • social interaction
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • community belonging
  • personalized care
  • affectionate care
  • family bonds
  • emotional security
  • transmission
  • family values
  • traditions
  • pedagogical methods
  • child psychology
  • flexibility
  • educational development
  • social skills
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