IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With more people choosing to watch travel programs on TV and social media, fewer people will be willing to pay the costs of travelling abroad. To what extent do you agree.

In recent years,
travel
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programs
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 on TV and social media platforms have become more popular. Most individuals enjoy watching these
travel
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programs
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.
However
Linking Words
, fewer
people
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 choose to pay expensive
travel
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 costs. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as virtual content can reduce the desire for
travel
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 in some, but not all. On one hand, online
travel
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 content can reduce the need for real
travel
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 for some individuals.
Although
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 a wide variety of blogs, documentary films, and videos related to travelling to foreign countries can create a clear description in the minds of watchers, they cannot fully replace the personal experience of visiting a foreign country in real life. Viewers behind the screen can not taste the local meals, meet the local
people
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, and feel
real
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the real
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 atmosphere of a different country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the main advantage of watching
travel
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programs
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 is that they are very cheap, easy, and comfortable. Watchers can discover beautiful places, learn about different cultures, and enjoy exciting adventures without leaving their homes. For those who have
healthy
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health
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 problems, low income, and limited time, watching these
programs
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 can be a good replacement for real
travel
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.
For instance
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, Kara and Nate
travel
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 full-time and share interesting experiences from all over the world in a fun and personal way on
Youtube
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YouTube
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. They have millions of subscribers and it continues to grow. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
travel
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programs
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 may reduce the desire to
travel
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 for some
people
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, I believe most
people
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 still prefer real-life experiences. From my point of view, travelling gives benefits that cannot be fully replaced by videos.

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Task Response
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, but you could improve by adding a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This will help guide the reader and improve the flow of ideas.
Task Response
In the second body paragraph, the example of Kara and Nate is good, but you could add one more specific reason to strengthen your main point about the benefits of travel programs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Task Response
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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