IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, there are many youths who prefer to engage in
work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
 training rather than tertiary
education
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, choosing work and training
instead
Linking Words
 of
further
Linking Words
 learning might affect their life quality.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue why the drawbacks outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 as young
people
Use synonyms
 who decide to register
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 professional training will not be paid as much as those who pursue
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in the future. Admittedly, one of the minor positive side effects of youth choosing careers over academic learning is gaining work skills at a young age. One clear example of
this
Linking Words
 is that HR managers always tend to hire trained
people
Use synonyms
 with skills rather than those without training or any experience. All in all, enrolling in work-based training after high school may help young
people
Use synonyms
 to get a job faster. Despite the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 above, one of the major drawbacks is that teenagers who do not complete their tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 will have minimum salaries. A study conducted in 2019 stated that about 85% of teenagers who choose careers over college
education
Use synonyms
 have lower salaries than their peers who choose to complete their higher
education
Use synonyms
. Over time,
this
Linking Words
 could lead them to underestimate themselves and keep comparing their lives to their peers.
To sum up
Linking Words
, many teenagers tend to engage in professional life right after finishing high school.
This
Linking Words
 could influence their wages in the long term. I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because young
people
Use synonyms
 who complete their
education
Use synonyms
 have a strong academic background, which will qualify them to earn more salaries and provide themselves with a better quality of life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to give more examples for your points. This will help support your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects well to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas between sentences for smoother reading.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion and main argument in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: