IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about whether juvenile offenders should receive the same harsh punishment as adults. From my perspective, I strongly believe that young and adult criminals should be treated equally under the law.
To begin
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 with, imposing the same punishment on teenagers,
such
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 as long-term imprisonment or even the death penalty, can serve as a powerful deterrent. Without strict consequences, some minors may take advantage of their age and commit crimes repeatedly, assuming they will face lenient treatment.
This
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 poses a serious threat to public safety.
For instance
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, a widely reported case in 2019 involved five schoolboys who assaulted a girl.
Due to
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 their age, they received only educational intervention and returned to normal life,
while
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 the victim later died by suicide
as a result
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 of trauma.
Such
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 outcomes highlight the need for harsher punishment to prevent similar tragedies.
Furthermore
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, serious legal consequences help build a stronger sense of public security. Many juveniles
reoffend
Correct your spelling
re-offend
 because their initial crimes are met with minimal penalties. In urban areas of the UK and
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,
for example
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, rising youth gang violence has made residents feel unsafe, even in broad daylight. By enforcing tougher penalties, young offenders may think twice before breaking the law, and others may be deterred as well. In turn, victims' families and the wider community can regain trust in the justice system, which enhances
overall
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 safety. In conclusion, I fully endorse that serious consequences should be imposed
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 juvenile criminals for public security enhancement and
reoffender
Correct your spelling
offender
deterrent
Fix the agreement mistake
deterrents
show examples
. With
well-established
Correct article usage
a well-established
show examples
 legal system,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will become more harmonious in the future.

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It's good, but it could be stronger.
Task Response
Try to add more details to your examples for clarity. This can help the reader understand your points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to your main point. This can help improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revising your concluding paragraph. It should briefly summarize your main ideas and clearly restate your opinion.
Task Response
Your essay presents a clear opinion and is easy to follow.
Task Response
You provided relevant examples to support your ideas, which is very good.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your argument.
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