Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the
crime
Use synonyms
rate of young children
had
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has
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slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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,
juvenile
Correct word choice
and juvenile
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delinquents should be used
the
Change preposition
in the
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ways as same as adult
criminal
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criminals
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treated
Add a missing verb
are treated
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.
in
Capitalize word
In
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my opinion, I strongly
agree
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agree on
agree to
agree with
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this
Linking Words
declaration, and
this
Linking Words
essay will hold the reasons for my view.
Firstly
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, delinquent youth should be punished severely as adults, which could deter some other teenagers who are trend to commit from perpetrating to a large extent, it is beneficial to lower
crime
Use synonyms
rate.
For instance
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, American counts report, saying the counts are becoming more server on young offenders, if those younger
first-times
Correct your spelling
first-time
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criminals
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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received a minor punishment when they made a petty
crime
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,
suck
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such
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as shop theft , 80% of them will become
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
recidivist
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recidivists
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after the penalty, the reason of
crime
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repeating, is a minor punishment can not root out the committing intention, it could cause fluke mind which is delinquent always could be
slight
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slightly
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treated slightly compared with adults even could escape them from punishment under some situation, with that will lead to multiple crimes. In the end , it is Ultimately unable to achieve the goal of reducing criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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through legal constraints.
secondly
Linking Words
, Treating same way to juvenile criminals as adults
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is law protection for victims. If imposing lenient penalties on teenagers, will result in
question
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questions
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the
Change preposition
of the
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equity of law and justice. In severe cases, it will lead to
social
Correct article usage
the social
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public and victims
confront
Wrong verb form
confronting
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unfair
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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and it may lead to protest marches and will cause social public opinion and chaos. In summary, I fully agree that juvenile offenders and adult offenders are treated equally under the law, which helps to ensure legal fairness and social harmony.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating your main point more directly. Use simple sentences to explain your view.
coherence cohesion
Break your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Use clearer examples and make sure they relate directly to your main points.
task achievement
You provided an opinion clearly and attempted to support it with reasons.
task achievement
You showed some understanding of the impact of crime on society, which is important.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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