IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the issue of teenagers who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults has sparked heated debate.
Form
Use the right word
From
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 my perspective, I totally agree with
this
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 standpoint.
Yo
Use the right word
To
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 begin with, one of the main reasons why
agree
Correct pronoun usage
I agree
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 is that it extremely
deter
Correct subject-verb agreement
deters
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
Use synonyms
 to reduce the crime rate.
This
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 is because almost
young
Correct determiner usage
all young
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people
Use synonyms
fully
Rephrase
apply
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have the ability to commit crimes.
That is
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 to say, if young
people
Use synonyms
 know they will be punished as
strict
Replace the word
strictly
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 as adults for
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 actions ,
the
Use the right word
they
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 may discourage them
form
Use the right word
from
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 engaging in
such
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 behaviour.
For example
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 , a teenager who plans to do some extremely bad
thing
Check wording
apply
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in society
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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might
to
Verb problem
apply
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think about the consequences of that. It helps maintain social order .
Furthermore
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, another compelling argument in
favor
Use the right word
favour
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 of
this
Linking Words
 view is that recent youth often have access to more information or news through the internet.Indeed ,they are more mature than the teenagers who
in
Verb problem
were in
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 the past.
Therefore
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, they might
influenced
Verb problem
be influenced
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 by the internet and media for a long time , which means that
the
Use the right word
they
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 undoubtedly understand the social roles, and receive the same information
for
Change preposition
as
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults.
For instance
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, a
17 year-old
Use the right word
17-year-old
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 who commits fraud on the internet by some complex methods,which is similar to an adult. In conclusion ,I firmly believe that teenagers and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 should be subject to the same punishment rules.Because it can totally reduce the crime rate, and
this
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 approach can help protect society and encourage young
people
Use synonyms
ro
Correct your spelling
to
 think carefully before breaking the
roles
Use the right word
rules
show examples
.

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Task response
Plan the essay with a clear plan: intro, 2 body paragraphs, and a short conclusion. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
Task response
Give a strong, clear reason in each body paragraph and explain how it helps or harms. Use one clear example for each reason.
Language and style
Use simple grammar and short sentences. Check for mistakes that hide the meaning.
Coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas clear. Use linking words to join sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
content
The writer shows a clear view and repeats it in the opening and final lines.
structure
There are some linking words like 'Furthermore' and 'For instance' to show ideas.
What to do next:
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