IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a person’s criminal record should be removed when they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals think that the record of the antisocial activities of a person should be wiped when they become adults. I agree with the notion because people make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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mistakes unintentionally when they are not mature enough to understand the adverse implications on their lives . To commence with , it will bring a light of hope in
adolescents
Change noun form
adolescents'
adolescent's
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 lives if the government
removed
Wrong verb form
removes
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 the criminal
records
Use synonyms
 when they touch a certain age . First and foremost, a young generation is the future of the country as they opt
different
Change preposition
for different
show examples
 courses to avail tremendous employment opportunities and they will have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 ability to change the economic growth of their nation .
However
Linking Words
, if you have criminal
records
Use synonyms
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it will be impossible for them to enrol in any institution for higher education and the employer always
check
Correct subject-verb agreement
checks
show examples
 criminal background before hiring.
Fir
Correct your spelling
For
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 instance, as per
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
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, plenty
children
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of children
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sent
Add a missing verb
were sent
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 to rehabilitation centres for recovery and after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they were able to secure spectacular jobs in the USA after their clean
records
Use synonyms
.
A rehabilitation
Correct the article-noun agreement
Rehabilitation
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 centres help them to overcome the negative thoughts which are going in their minds and give them a chance to lead an incredible life in a positive direction .
Moreover
Linking Words
, clean
records
Use synonyms
 will bring a sense of prosperity and boost their enthusiasm to become a better version of themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they become a great example for the youths and they can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to
refrain
Wrong verb form
refraining
show examples
 them not to
indulged
Wrong verb form
indulging
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into
Change preposition
in
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 any activity which is against the law. Some people might think it could be harmful if no punishment is given to them
as a result
Linking Words
,they can create disasters in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 near future. I believe that the brain of
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
 is not well developed so , society can
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
 and shape them in positive ways and encourage them to perform witty and sensible activities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
news channels and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools are the best ways to teach them good lessons at
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, living a criminal record-free life helps lift up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intellectual power and they
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 anxious because no one
judge
Change the verb form
judges
show examples
 those people who have clean
records
Use synonyms
 and they can lead a beautiful and exquisite life ahead with
a great spirits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great spirit
great spirits
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain your main points and ideas. Some parts could be more detailed and better supported.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer linking words between your ideas for easier reading. This will help connect your sentences better.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good for setting the tone of your essay.
task achievement
You provided examples, like the rehabilitation centers, which add some support to your ideas. This is a good approach for argumentation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • criminal record
  • rehabilitation
  • stigma
  • restorative justice
  • reintegration
  • public safety
  • recidivism
  • legal amnesty
  • young offenders
  • community risk
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