IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

"Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?"

Today,
people
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 believe that scientists and
technology
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experts
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 play a more important role in
society
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 than artists and musicians.
This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 view because their works make a big contribution to the development of a country and modern
life
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 depends only on
technology
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, making
society
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 value those who create and improve it. First of all, scientists and
technology
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experts
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 help a country grow by improving important areas
such
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 as education, healthcare, and the economy. When a country supports professionals in these fields, it can develop faster and provide a better quality of
life
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 for its
people
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.
For example
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, Japan invests a lot of money in science and
technology
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 , and
experts
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 in
this
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 area have made great progress in building a strong education system , medicine, and a successful economy.
Moreover
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, science helps
people
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 become more accurate and see
this
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 world in a more logical way . By reading scientific articles and watching educational videos,
people
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 become aware of important global issues like health, climate, and
technology
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In addition
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, modern
life
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 relies on
technology
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, without it our
life
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 is nothing and full of difficulties.
Experts
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 in
this
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 field allow
people
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 to use gadgets and the internet, providing various opportunities.
For instance
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, the lives of today's teenagers are full of digital tools. They wake up with phones , study using iPads, and communicate with friends through gadgets.
This
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 shows how deeply
technology
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 is integrated into daily
life
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. In conclusion,
society
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 values STEM
people
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 more rather than
people
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 of art, because their work brings greater practical benefits to
people
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’s lives.
Nevertheless
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, all professions deserve respect, as each contributes to
society
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 in its own way.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples in your main points to support your arguments better.
coherence and cohesion
Check your word choice for clarity and correctness in some places, like 'better quality of life.'
task achievement
Strong introduction that clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
Good use of examples related to technology's impact on modern life.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • modern society
  • scientists
  • technology experts
  • musicians
  • artists
  • reliance
  • scientific advancements
  • practical benefits
  • driving economic growth
  • daily lives
  • culture
  • human emotions
  • express ideas
  • provoke thought
  • spiritual well-being
  • emotional well-being
  • preserving cultural heritage
  • subjective nature
  • diversity
What to do next:
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