IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that protecting the environment is the governments’ responsibility. Others believe that every individual should take responsibility for it. Discuss Both views and give your opinion.

The issue of environmental protection has sparked considerable debate, with some arguing governments should bear the responsibility,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that individuals must
also
Linking Words
 play a key role. In my view, I firmly believe that every individual should manage our
nature
Use synonyms
 with care
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced world. Recent studies have shown the rapid change in the climate
due to
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 human activities
such
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 as
over consuming
Correct your spelling
overconsumption of
show examples
 too much
plastic
Use synonyms
 waste
,
Correct word choice
and, increase
show examples
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
air
Use synonyms
, water and land pollution. The rapid rise in
plastic
Use synonyms
 waste is from consumers buying too many essentials
such
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 as products made with
plastic
Use synonyms
 packaging or using
plastic
Use synonyms
 bags when purchasing things that are not needs but wants which can lead to
over consumerism
Add a hyphen
over-consumerism
show examples
 that affects the environment heavily.
Additionally
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, countries have lost
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 wildlife
due to
Linking Words
 deforestation by clearing forests for agriculture which leads to habitat loss and significant degradation in
overall
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air
Use synonyms
 quality as it removes natural
air
Use synonyms
 filters and releases stored carbon into the atmosphere contributing to
air
Use synonyms
 pollution. Not only that it can affect soil erosion which reduces oil fertility and destroys water cycles underneath which causes land and water pollution.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 governments have the upper hand to control building infrastructures and resources that can help prevent
such
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 damages made to
nature
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, they could balance out
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
projects that can help prevent
nature
Use synonyms
 loss but
also
Linking Words
 less disruption in creating structures. They can
also
Linking Words
 invest in eco-friendly inventions and technology to help improve. Given that they have more authority, they could control the use of
plastic
Use synonyms
 usage
for instance
Linking Words
 implementing a law to not use
plastic
Use synonyms
 bags when buying or a fine for littering and is encouraged to throw waste in specific recycled bins.
Such
Linking Words
 methods heavily benefit the environment and early prevention of climate change can help growth in human society leading to an enhanced world. In my opinion, governments and everyone should take the lead, as they play a vital role in contributing to our world. If every individual is mindful of their behaviour in their way of taking action and government officials
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 the initiative to increase strict policies increase the chance of being able to achieve our goal. In conclusion, it would only be successful if both parties
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 their roles in protecting our
nature
Use synonyms
 since everyone has their own part to do for it to accomplish in protecting our environment.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your main ideas are clearly defined and supported with detailed examples. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer linking words or phrases to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion and discuss both sides of the argument well. This shows good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reiterates your stance. This adds clarity to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainable development
  • Eco-friendly
  • Conservation
  • Renewable resources
  • Carbon footprint
  • Emissions
  • Biodiversity
  • Climate action
  • Grassroots
  • Legislation
  • Environmental stewardship
  • Recycling
  • Deforestation
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Ecological balance
  • Public awareness
  • Habitat preservation
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ecosystem services
  • Pollution control
What to do next:
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