IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary times, the
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 path of
children
Use synonyms
 usually has become a crucial concern
due to
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this
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 phenomenon, there are distinct points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 arguing that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the time of
Use synonyms
children's
Change noun form
children
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 should be intellectually organized, if not, it can be
time-wasting
Add an article
a time-wasting
the time-wasting
show examples
 process. From my point of view, there should be a balance between leisure activities where
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation would be capable of relaxing after
studying
Correct article usage
the studying
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 process. Primarily, since younger ages,
children
Use synonyms
 should be involved in intellectually and physically beneficial tasks, where they are capable of enhancing mental capacities and physical skills, here well-structured daily plans can be undoubtedly useful.
For example
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,
Time-managing
Correct your spelling
Management
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 for parents is considered to be helpful, so if a child spends a part of a day on educational aspects
such
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 as enrolling cognitively improving courses like chess or math which most
children
Use synonyms
 find appealing.
Moreover
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, a separation of the scheme into odd and even days and including activities
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 one of the effective approaches.
However
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,
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to relax and enjoy the process without being under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pressure which can generate unpredictable consequences
such
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 as depression, chronic headaches and even
burnouts
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burnout
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.
According to
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 recent
researches
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research
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,
children
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 from young ages struggle with anxiety more frequently and a fear of failure with long-term competitions may cause
burnouts
Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
show examples
 as well. As we know, during the period of study, kids may face comparing issues between peers and get jealous or angry when they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not win. Occasionally,
children
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 must have time just to have
pleasure
Add an article
the pleasure
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 of
childhoodness
Correct your spelling
childhood
 by playing outside and doing unnecessary activities which on the other side can
also
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 be useful for them. In conclusion, considering and
insuring
Correct your spelling
ensuring
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's successful
career
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careers
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 is a huge responsibility of parents,
as well as
Linking Words
 enrolling them
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 educational tasks and courses somehow can guarantee it,
however
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, the allowance of allocating their childhood
with
Change preposition
to
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 a full of pleasure and happiness should be
also
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 provided in order to mitigate unanticipated threats in
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 path.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. You should also restate your opinion in the conclusion for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. It helps in understanding the main point of each paragraph.
task response
Support your ideas with more specific examples. This makes your arguments stronger and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammar mistakes and sentence structure. Simple sentences can be just as effective as complex ones.
task response
You present a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument.
task response
You have shown concern for children's well-being, which is an important aspect of the discussion.
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