IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles , aunts and grandparents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and example.

Cildren
Correct your spelling
Children
behavior
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behaviour
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 is the most significant way to build a powerful society. There are many people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that breeding children with the whole family is better. I believe that
mother's
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mothers
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 and
father's
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fathers
father
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 should educate their children,
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
 will learn
more
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apply
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faster and more
effective
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effectively
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.
Family
Add an article
The family
show examples
 will give their kids more
emotional
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emotion
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 and will support them
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
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 they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 good or not.
Other
Change the wording
Another
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 reason is that maybe their uncle or grandmother will not
surrounded
Change the verb form
surround
show examples
 them with care and live
such
Linking Words
 as their family.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and the main reasons. This helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence
Use clear paragraphs to separate your ideas. Each paragraph should have one main point.
task achievement
Consider providing specific examples to support your ideas, like how parents can provide care differently than extended family members.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the role of parents in a child's life.
coherence
You mention emotional support, which is an important point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • family
  • children
  • support
  • emotion
  • well-being
  • love
  • care
  • parents
  • grandparents
  • aunts
  • uncles
  • values
  • perspectives
  • responsibility
  • stress
  • bonds
  • cooperation
  • communication
  • respect
  • experience
What to do next:
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