IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a car is the best way to travel in city while other believe a bicycle is a better way. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether a
car
Use synonyms
 or a bicycle is the best method to
move
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 around in the
city
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.
Although
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 a bicycle is a good
way
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 to travel in the
city
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 because it is more beneficial for society's health , I believe a
car
Use synonyms
 is better than it, as it is more time-saving and efficient for different environmental
conditions
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. On the one hand, some
people
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 think that the best
way
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 to
move
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 from one place to another in the
city
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 is by
car
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, as it is a more time-saving and effective method that suits almost every
city
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 in the world.
In other words
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,
people
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 save more time using a
car
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 to do something
that is
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 more important to them
such
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 as going to a gym, cooking a meal, or resting. A
Car
Use synonyms
 is a better
way
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 because it is more effective for various
city
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conditions
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 because not all cities have good weather or infrastructure that individuals can simply use a bicycle.
For instance
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, in many countries
such
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 as Riyadh, the summer season has extremely hot weather that can be dangerous to be outside.
On the other hand
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, many others believe that a bike is a better
way
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 because it ensures
people
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 are staying active and fit. Members of the community all around the world nowadays are living a fast lifestyle that they almost forget to remain active.
Therefore
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, many think it is the best
way
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 to encourage individuals to stay active. In my opinion, I believe it is not a method that fits all cities or individuals.
For example
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, it is not safe for all age groups like young children or the elderly to use a bike to
move
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 around or for
people
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 who have medical
conditions
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such
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 as asthma or heart problems. In conclusion,
this
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 essay supports that the best
way
Use synonyms
 to
move
Use synonyms
 around in a
city
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 is a
car
Use synonyms
 because it saves time and offers a more suitable
way
Use synonyms
 for all environmental
conditions
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such
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 as countries that have hot weather
conditions
Use synonyms
 and cities that do not have good infrastructure for bicycles.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Each idea should flow from one to the next.
task achievement
Add more examples or facts to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Try to give a stronger opinion or recommendation in the conclusion. This can make your view clearer.
task achievement
You made a good effort to discuss both views about cars and bicycles.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that help to frame your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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