At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. do the advantage of this situation outweight disadvantages?
Population in the world is increasing
overtime
, but in some cases, some countries have more young Correct your spelling
over time
adults
compared to older people
. While
it brings numerous drawbacks, there are also
significant benefits. Hence
, in this
essay, I will discuss both issues and argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
with, having more young adults
can have some drawbacks. In fact, young adults
have less experience compared to old people
. Therefore
, the result
achieved by young Fix the agreement mistake
results
adults
in the workplace and community will be less effective and efficient. Other than that, young adults
may have different personalities and backgrounds due to
new trends and different generations. Hence
, companies and old people
need to understand how to approach young adults
properly in order to attract and have a good relationship with them.
However
, with a proper education system and guidance, young adults
can be prepared to replace old people
that
will soon have their retirement. Correct pronoun usage
who
Hence
, the nation does not have to worry about searching for replacements. For example
, Japan right now is struggling to find replacement
in workplace and government positions because their population includes more old Fix the agreement mistake
replacements
people
rather than young adults
. As a result
, Japan provides many scholarship exchange programs and international internship programs to invite more young adults
from other countries to help them manage companies and communities.
To conclude
, by having more young adults
rather than old people
, the country does not have to worry about finding any replacement. Therefore
, I believe that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages in this
case.Submitted by kelly on
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task achievement
While your essay is structured well and addresses the prompt, you could strengthen your task response by providing more specific details and examples to support your points. Perhaps you could add more real-world examples like the Japan example you provided to create a more convincing argument.
coherence cohesion
Your points are logically organized, and you have an introduction and conclusion. However, transitions between paragraphs can be smoother to improve the flow of your essay. Consider using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, clearly stating your stance and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of having a larger number of young adults, which strengthens your essay.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...