IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The demand for coaching services has grown significantly in the digital age, with online coaching platforms becoming prevalent. Some now feel online coaching is a superior option to in-person coach. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#demand #services #age #platforms #option #coach
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Technology has revolutionized every area of our lives and education is no exception. Since the advent of the Internet, there has been significant growth noticed in online coaching platforms. Some people opine that online studies are more appropriate than in-person coaching.
Although
 online coaching benefits from an easy accessibility perspective, I partially disagree with the former notion. Conspicuously, there are numerous benefits of virtual studies. First and foremost, it alleviates
students
' stress by not commuting to physical locations and saves more energy which can be utilized to stay focused for longer periods of time.
Secondly
, working parents
also
 live stress-free as they do not need to worry about their children from any kind of travelling injuries or accidents on the road.
Last
 but not least,
students
 can watch the recorded lectures at any time of the day which is not possible with in-class studies.
According to
 a recent survey, "After COVID-19, 60% of
students
 prefer to study online for their extra classes as it keeps them more energetic."
Nevertheless
, virtualized coaching could have various benefits but still, it does not provide physical touch and positive aura of their teachers.
According to
 one research from Harvard University on in-class
students
,"Children become more disciplined and well-behaved under the teacher's observation."
Moreover
, in-person learning gives an opportunity to
students
 to spend more time with real people rather than just at staring a screen by themselves. In conclusion, as per the aforementioned
points
Add a comma
points,
show examples
 I partially disagree with the idea that online coaching is the best option
instead
 of in-class as children grow more eternally in human presence.
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. In your essay, while the logical structure is present, you could improve the connections between your points to aid the reader in following your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, enhancing your coherence and cohesion score. Keep refining these areas to maintain and improve your presentation and structure.
coherence cohesion
For supported main points, incorporate more varied and precise examples or data to strengthen your assertions. This will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task, to improve your score, aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic. Your position is evident but could be developed further, for deeper engagement with the question.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly communicated, yet strive for more comprehensive development. Adding depth to your argument can help improve clarity and fully express your viewpoint.
task achievement
Increase the variety and specificity of examples to boost your task achievement score. Well-chosen examples can effectively illustrate and reinforce your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual platforms
  • interactive sessions
  • personalized learning
  • multimedia resources
  • asynchronous communication
  • cost-efficient
  • impersonal
  • connectivity issues
  • hands-on experience
  • data protection
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