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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether modern
technology
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 has brought
people
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 closer together or driven them apart. Some believe it improves communication,
while
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 others argue it leads to isolation.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, and I personally agree with the second opinion, as
people
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 have become more dependent on their phones and less engaged in real-life interactions. Many
people
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 think that modern
technology
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 helps bring individuals together. They claim that it allows easier and faster communication, especially with family and friends who live far away.
For example
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, in countries like the United States,
,
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apply
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university students often live in different cities or states from their families. Thanks to
technology
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such
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 as video calls and instant messaging, they can maintain close contact with their loved ones despite the distance.
Although
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this
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 view may not be the case everywhere, Supporters of
this
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 view believe that digital tools make it possible to stay connected at any time, regardless of location or schedule.
However
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, Others believe that
technology
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 has created distance between
people
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.
This
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 is because individuals have become more focused on their phones and social media, leading to less face-to-face interaction. In public places or during social gatherings, it is common to see
people
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 staring at their screens
instead
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 of engaging with those around them.
For instance
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, a recent study in the UK found that 8 out of 10
people
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 experience feelings of loneliness, a significant increase compared to the past, before
widespread
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the widespread
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 use of smartphones.
Therefore
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, many believe that
technology
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 has negatively affected real-world relationships. In conclusion,
although
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technology
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 has made it easier to stay in touch with
people
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 over long distances, I believe it has
also
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 reduced the quality of real-life interactions. Its overuse has led to loneliness, disconnection, and less meaningful communication.

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task achievement
Try to add more details and examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects well to the next. This will help your essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for guiding the reader.
task achievement
You have used examples to support your points, which adds depth to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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