IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #students #study #science #effects #society
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In the
majority
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 of countries, most
students
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 show a
lack
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 of interest in selecting subjects related to Science. The main causes are high university fees for Science-related studies and the lazy nature of
youth
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 in taking time-consuming subjects. The effects are a
lack
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 of scientific professionals and a hindrance
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 scientific
progress
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. The
majority
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 of
students
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 are not taking science studies
due to
Linking Words
 high fees and lazy nature. The high fee structure by most universities for offering science-related programs causes a
majority
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 of
students
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 to not pursue
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field because they cannot afford
such
Linking Words
 high fee structures.
Also
Linking Words
,the
youth
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 wants to not uptake time and brain-consuming programs and prefers slothful behaviour.
For Example
Linking Words
, in Japan, the
majority
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 of the workforce is above 40 and only 20% of
youth
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 is in the workforce as compared to the 1970s when 80% of the workforce was comprised of
youth
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. The effects are a
lack
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 of professionals in scientific
fields
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 and a slowing down of scientific
progress
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.As
,
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apply
show examples
 more of the
students
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 prefer arts and non-scientific courses it is leading to a
lack
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 of professionals in respective
fields
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 of science and technology for research and
thus
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 no trained employees for respective
fields
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, there is a decrease in research and scientific
progress
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 without which the wheel of humanity will cease to move.
For instance
Linking Words
, scientific research related to expeditions for the search of Yetis in
Himalayas
Correct article usage
the Himalayas
show examples
 has seen a huge decline since the 1980s as compared to before the 1980s when there were numerous expeditions being conducted. In the end, I will conclude that high fees and lazy behaviour in
students
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 are leading causes for not opting for scientific programs for higher education leading to a
lack
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 of professional experts in respective
fields
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 and posing a hindrance to scientific
progress
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.
Submitted by akylov.a on

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task achievement
Consider providing more examples or data to illustrate the contemporary challenges faced in different countries regarding science education, enhancing the validity of the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the next to enhance the logical flow and smooth transitions throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, clearly presenting and summarizing the main points in an organized manner.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies and discusses both causes and effects, maintaining focus on the task and ensuring a complete response.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and assist in illustrating the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
What to do next:
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