IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people argue that smoking should be banned due to its harmful effects on human health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Smoking is injurious
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
health
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
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to
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some individuals
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
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 that it should
permanently
Add a missing verb
be permanently
show examples
 stopped as it is creating numerous dangerous
Use synonyms
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues. I strongly agree with statement and I will explain my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 in the upcoming paragraphs. To start with the effects of smoking,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do different kinds of smoking
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 they are suffering from major
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as chest
conjestion
Correct your spelling
congestion
 because active and passive smoking is impacting on
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 in various ways. Passive smoking is a kind where
people
Use synonyms
 are not smoking directly but they are inhaling dirty air from others either at home or outside.
As a consequence
Linking Words
- It is spreading rapidly among all
age
Use synonyms
 groups and causing deadly
health
Use synonyms
 concerns.
For instance
Linking Words
- A survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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conducted
bt
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
Health
Use synonyms
 Organization in 2022
resulted
Verb problem
showed
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 that about 60% of
people
Use synonyms
 including
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 group 20-60
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
smoking
Replace the word
smoke
show examples
Change preposition
at on
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 extreme level as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
The another
Remove the article
Another
show examples
 reason why smoking should banned is peer pressure. In today's era
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking
is starting
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high school and it continues till death in some
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 peer pressure
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
young
one's
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 perception is they look cool and above others when they
do smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
show examples
 like other fellow students at school.
However
Linking Words
, they know it is injurious but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 they made the wrong choices for their entertainment which is
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
show examples
 cause of early deaths and heart failures, using oxygen tanks at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, etcetera. Parents should encourage their kids
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
age
Use synonyms
 to stop indulging in smoking and other harmful drugs. In conclusion, it is
cear
Correct your spelling
clear
 that smoking is very bad for
health
Use synonyms
 as it only has disadvantages for the
health
Use synonyms
 and it can destroy someone's future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure all sentences flow well together. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to connect ideas.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, you could include studies or statistics to show why smoking is harmful.
grammar and vocabulary
Correct spelling and grammar mistakes. Check words like 'conjestion' (spelling) and ensure sentences are complete.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion about smoking and its harmful effects. This shows strong personal conviction.
task achievement
You identify significant reasons for banning smoking, like health issues and peer pressure, which are important factors.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmful effects
  • passive smoking
  • healthcare systems
  • smoking-related illnesses
  • moral responsibility
  • public health
  • smoking cessation programs
  • disease prevention
  • government intervention
  • addiction
  • tobacco industry
  • health awareness
  • legislation
  • regulations
  • personal choice
What to do next:
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