IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the last few decades, there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the the media should have no right to privacy. To what extent do you agree?

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One school of thought holds that celebrities do not have legislation in terms of private
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. I accept that
this
Linking Words
 perception is just somewhat justified, I assert that there are other factors that might logically lead to opposition. On the one hand, it is understood why well-known individuals do not deserve to have a private
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. From an economic perspective, the trend will lead to the
maximize
Replace the word
maximum
show examples
 profits of the press.
This
Linking Words
 is because the paparazzi who are rented by the
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
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 of those media firms will have a massive opportunity to hunt a picture of an idol.
As a result
Linking Words
, there are more massive pay taxes which the state budget will receive, thanks to famous people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those who have received public attraction need to have a duty to serve the community. If a superstar had contrasting habits compared to them in the movie, their fans will be hugely disappointed, since they are not similar to the role they used to imagine before.
As a result
Linking Words
, well-known people will lack supporters, and their agency will lose their revenue.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why those who work in the entertainment
industries
Fix the agreement mistake
industry
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 ought to have legislation in respect of privacy. On an individual level, every citizen needs to have their own rights in order to have a private habit. If their information is lacking, the image of the public figure will be spoiled, for their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 does not seem to meet the needs of the audiences who are looking
for
Correct pronoun usage
for it
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, celebrities will suffer from mental disease, since they have no right to privacy.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that famous people need to live with the fan
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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,
thus
Linking Words
 they will no longer handle
this
Linking Words
 replica habit to
make
Verb problem
satisfy
show examples
 those advocates
satisfied
Correct word choice
apply
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is irrefutable that those who have a million fans could not have any
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to privacy, I would contend that every citizen deserves to own a private
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.

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clarity
To enhance the clarity of your argument, consider introducing clearer topic sentences that succinctly express the main idea of each paragraph.
support
To further strengthen your essay, include more specific examples that directly support your viewpoint. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
language variety
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to better express your ideas.
cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next by using more cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases. This helps to guide the reader through your argument in a more coherent manner.
structure
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument in an organized way.
task response
You've effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, reflecting good critical thinking skills.
content depth
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic by outlining various impacts of lack of privacy for celebrities, showing good insight into the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hounded
  • sensational news
  • unwarranted scrutiny
  • blurs the line
  • public interest
  • pervasive
  • public persona
  • complex relationship
  • invasive
  • ethical frameworks
  • privacy is upheld
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