IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages

The growing popularity of cases of success after risks
in
Change preposition
on
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 the internet creates more and more arguments about the value of taking risks in a career and life. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 could be both beneficial and critical, as it can bring a number of opportunities, but, at the same time, can cost valuable resources,
such
Linking Words
 as time or money.
In
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On
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 one hand, risk can be a key for dozens of doors. If individuals manage to achieve
a
Remove the article
apply
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success in fields, that require devotion, constant work or monetary investments, they often obtain more than they spent. To illustrate, people can start a business, work a lot to maintain it and eventually get paid out with
self-sustainable
Correct article usage
a self-sustainable
show examples
 organization, from which they can earn money for a long period onwards. Another example is when school graduates apply to colleges or universities to pursue
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some type of degree. They study for several years without receiving instant advantage from it, to ultimately get employed and have a stable life. All of that increases the impact of individuals
to
Change preposition
on
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 others, which helps them to lead their
live
Replace the word
lives
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 as they want and do more than they were able
before
Fix the infinitive
to before
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, risking does not always
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
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with
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in
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 a victory. Risk is
also
Linking Words
 based on
a
Correct article usage
apply
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chance and luck, things that people are out of control. It does not play a role
how
Change preposition
in how
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 much people
had worked
Wrong verb form
work
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if luck is not on their side. The mentioned example with business can not work
,
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apply
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 when the demand in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
 quickly changes or an accident like
fire
Correct article usage
a fire
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 in the building happens.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals may not properly estimate their abilities and waste their resources
into
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on
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 a thing, that would not
worked
Change the verb form
work
be worked
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 out
anyways
Correct your spelling
anyway
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, risk-takers can face equally with wasted resources or new opportunities. Should enthusiasts take the
challange
Correct your spelling
challenge
 or not depends on the context and it is their right to choose.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Make sure to clearly state your opinion and the main points you will cover.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points more clearly and restates your opinion in a stronger way.
task achievement
You provide good examples of risk-taking in business and education, which supports your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on taking risks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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