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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whome does this affect more, parents or children?

#countries #people #time #children #whome #affect #parents
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In
this
 era, spending a little period of time with children has become
Correct word choice
popular
show examples
in some countries.
This
 may be led by many reasons and might impact directly on both the children and their parents.
This
 essay will describe the causes of
this
 concern including impacts to relevant people. On the one hand, there are two main roots of
this
 issue happened. People who are working longer hours probably spend their moment with the kids than expected. The gardians working in busy areas in the capital or the main city
such
 as Townhall in Sydney may need a long commute from home to the workplace because of traffic jams and the crowded-in-facilitated public transport.
For example
, commuting from Paramatta to Townhall probably takes almost one hour. Another root is technology development,particularly on smartphones and computers.
In addition
,family may spend the period physically together but they may separately take their own age by individual habit and activity.
For instance
, the kids are watching cartoons on iPad
while
 the guardians are watching the news on TV in another living room where they all are in the same house. That could be a potential concern for family relationships in the long term. Regarding both the major causes leading to weak family relations between father,mother, and youths, there are
also
 two main effects impacted by these. Teenagers directly receive an enormous impact
due to
 becoming adults. The Adolescents will naturally behave following obtaining from the rulers of the surrounding environment.
For example
, some father who are a little rigorous may not allow their youths to be on the phone or tablet for more than a few hours a day. They would recommend doing some physical activities with families
such
 as playing at a playground.
This
 could significantly encourage the relation stronger than spending less date together.
On the other hand
, adults could adjust themselves
due to
 maturity.
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Introduction Clarity
Begin by directly addressing the task question in your introduction to immediately clarify your essay's focus.
Paragraph Development
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations, to strengthen coherence.
Conclusion Strengthening
Include a clear conclusion that summarises your main points and reflects on the topic, enhancing the overall structure of your essay.
Example Specificity
Expand your use of specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your task response and helps the reader understand your points more clearly.
Linking & Cohesion
Work on smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay, and use a variety of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Topic Relevance
You've successfully incorporated a range of ideas relevant to the task, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Structural Awareness
Your essay demonstrates an attempt to structure your ideas logically, with distinct paragraphs for separate points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work demands
  • longer working hours
  • digital technology
  • screen time
  • urbanization
  • commuting times
  • emotional distance
  • parental guidance
  • harmful behaviors
  • guilt
  • stress
  • missed opportunities
  • development
  • emotional well-being
  • social skills
  • family dynamics
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