Many manufacturerd food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugar product should be made more expensive people to consume less sugar, Do you agree or disagree

A large number of factory-made snacks have too much
sweet
Replace the word
sweetness
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in them which is unhealthy, so some people believe that they must cost more money. I firmly agree with that idea as it reduces the risk of sugar. It can be seen that manufactured beverages and food contain extra sugar that the human body does not need, which could cause many diseases. So, I think it is a good idea to increase the prices, which will force people to stop buying unhealthy snacks.
Instead
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, they will spend their money on other useful things. We can see that when the proportion of overweight humans decreases. Because of that, the government will stop allocating substantial funds to medicines for people with high
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
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.
Furthermore
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, the second particular reason behind my agreement is that individuals will work on themselves and their health, which will increase the number of athletes in the country. Because of that, the government will focus on making sporting events, which could lead to a rise in the economy.
For example
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, having funding sources can help to spend more on many other regions in the country, like building schools, hospitals, and even houses. In conclusion, eating food with sugar that the body cannot bear is harmful.
However
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, from my standpoint, I am sure that raising the prices can play an essential role in mitigating
this
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worldwide issue, and if the ultimate goal of the Ministry of Health is to reduce the proportion of diseases,
then
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making those snacks cost more can easily contribute to
this
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goal.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction introduces the topic, but make sure to clearly state your thesis or main idea. Use direct phrases like 'I agree that...' or 'I disagree that...'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your paragraphs better. You can use more linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', or 'in conclusion' to improve flow.
Task Achievement
Provide more clear examples in your paragraphs. For instance, give actual instances of how higher prices have changed people's buying habits or health outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a main idea, and that you explain it clearly. This will help support your main points better.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers the main idea and clearly presents your opinion on the topic. This is essential for a good task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
You included a clear conclusion that summarizes your thoughts, which is great for closure in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured products
  • high sugar content
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • discouraged
  • purchasing behavior
  • incidence rates
  • economic impact
  • consumer behavior
  • reformulate
  • healthier options
  • sugar tax
  • nudge consumers
  • behavioral economics
  • incentives
  • disincentives
  • alternative solutions
  • public education campaigns
  • food labeling
  • subsidies
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