IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries there is a problem with dec lining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?

Clean
air
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 is one of the basic needs of human beings which should be provided by any means. Many countries are suffering from polluted
air
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 and
water
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due to
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 industrialization and construction of buildings. In
this
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 regard, there are some actions that can be taken which
this
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 essay will discuss . As it has been mentioned earlier high
air
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quality
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 is strongly needed for humans and animals and the respiration system should not be affected by a lack of it.
Firstly
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, we have to locate the source of pollution and
then
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 take proper action to eliminate it. The prominent reason is the
number
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 of available cars on the streets that are producing huge amounts of harmful gases.
Therefore
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, if we decrease the
number
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, the
quality
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 of
air
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 will be increased automatically.
Also
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, the
quality
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 of the fuel which is being consumed should be mounted in a way that prevents the emission of those gases into the environment.
Overall
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, increasing fuel
quality
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 and decreasing the
number
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 of cars are the most significant factors in
this
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 regard. Pollution in residential areas or in general human beings' habitat is not concluded in the
air
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 only, rather it appears frequently in drinking
water
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.
For instance
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, rivers are being contaminated by factory wastes. So, there should be a set of rules
such
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 as heavy fines in
this
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 regard to restrict
this
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 phenomenon.
Moreover
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, some residents are not fully aware of the consequences of contaminated
water
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 on human bodies
therefore
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, they add some waste when they want to abandon them. Case in point, a system of social training has to be conducted by the media to inform the public about the effects of contaminated
water
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. In conclusion, training and possible fines are more important factors to be dealt with in
this
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 matter. In summary, there are causes of pollution in the world which are caused by humans and some solutions
such
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 as increasing fuel
quality
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 and decreasing the
number
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 of cars for modifying
air
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quality
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 and training and fines for rectifying
water
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 contamination exist, discussed in
this
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 essay and needs to be taken into consideration.

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coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion could be more comprehensive by directly addressing the question and providing a summary of the proposed measures.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance flow. Use varied connecting phrases to link ideas more naturally.
task achievement
In the task response, strive for completeness by elaborating more on specific examples. Real-world cases or hypothetical scenarios could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate a greater variety of complex sentence structures and vocabulary related to the topic. This adds depth and nuance to your arguments, engaging your reader more effectively.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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