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Writing Samples
Band 7

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society？

In developing nations, the structure of
families
Use synonyms
 constitutes nuclear
families
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 and some
people
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 prefer to live alone. There are multifaceted reasons
such
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 as
independence
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 and
access
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 to education and employment that lead to
this
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 trend which
further
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 has a detrimental impact on society especially for senior citizens.
This
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 essay will shed light on the causes and effects of the phenomenon in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are several rationales that encourage individuals to live away from their extended
families
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 migrate to different cities in search of employment and accessing quality education.
In other words
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, some of the
people
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 who live in remote areas find it difficult to
access
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 good educational institutions and employment opportunities.
This
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 drawback of their hometown forces them to move to urban areas to
access
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 amenities and grow.
Secondly
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,
people
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 prefer their
independence
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 and complete control of their lives. To illustrate, individuals who live with their parents and grandparents lose autonomy in their lives. They feel bound by the rules, values and opinions of their
elders
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 and
consequently
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, they prefer to live separately with their children and spouses to enjoy
independence
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 and autonomy.
Therefore
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, the countries which are growing are experiencing the trend shifting towards small
families
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.
On the other hand
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, there are a plethora of drawbacks that the communities face
as a consequence
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 of living separately from their family. The foremost disadvantage that society encounters is the loneliness that the
elders
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 experience which deteriorates their mental health. The old
people
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 who do not live with their children and grandchildren often feel alone which leads to depression and negative health implications.
Moreover
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, the trend
also
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 results in the reduction of the population in rural areas which causes a shortage of employees in the villages and a lack of cultural representation.
To conclude
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, modernisation is encouraging children and
families
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 to live apart from their
elders
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 as they seek
independence
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 and
access
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 to facilities but
this
Linking Words
 will result in feelings of loneliness for
elders
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 and
also
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 lead to cultural disconnection.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and links well to the next one. This helps readers follow your thoughts easily.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your ideas, which can make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and what you will discuss. Good job on setting the stage for the essay!
task achievement
You identified both causes and effects of the trend in your essay, which is important for addressing the topic fully.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nuclear family
  • extended family
  • individualism
  • urbanization
  • economic independence
  • financial autonomy
  • personal freedom
  • societal values
  • cultural shift
  • technological advancement
  • solitary living
  • virtual connectivity
  • demographic trends
  • population dynamics
  • aging population
  • lifestyle choices
  • social structures
  • interpersonal relationships
  • privacy
  • household management
  • economic opportunities
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