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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some contend that music plays a significant role in uniting the various civilizations and ages. I entirely agree and I would argue that music not only acts as a reference, exchanging traditional matters but
also
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 its appealing nature leads to mitigating gaps between generations. There exist some factors, indicating melody contributes to informing individuals about significant events in the world. To be more precise, it acts as a historical symbol that transfers emotions between nations.
Moreover
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, Contemporarily, some symbolic songs shifted to a gun that motivated a sense of fighting against injustice. As an example, the song Baraye by Shahin Hajipour during the Mahsa revolution in Iran. It not only exacerbated the protests but
also
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 crucially speared the sense of Iranians about what they were inconvenienced, resulting in attracting global support.
Thus
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, the emblem act of which leads to sharing knowledge and facilitates a feeling of unity.
Further
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 and even more importantly, the concert is responsible for linking hearts among bodies with various thoughts and ages. To put it clearly, they create an emotional network contributing to mitigating social communication.
On the other hand
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, national anthems stimulate patriotism in the country and promote social jointness.
For instance
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, a versatile singer in Iran, Moien, incredible artistry captivated a wide range of people from which social connection was created among the public.
Moreover
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, During the war between Iran and Israel, the Iranian government played a song by Moien in order to promote a sense of patriotism among the community. Thereby, music festivals pave the way for reducing spaces
due to
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 their sincere nature which does not encompass a specific age classification.
To sum up
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, I believe that melody significantly acts as a historical symbol that not only contributes to cultural exchange but
also
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 promotes alignment within the community.
Consequently
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, the effect of
this
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 declines intervals and spears intimacy.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect your ideas and avoid using overly complex sentences. This will help your reader follow your points better.
task achievement
Provide more development of your main ideas with additional details or examples. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You have good examples that relate to the topic, which helps to show your points clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, summarizing your main opinion well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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