IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some governments say how many children a family can have in their home. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

Using technology in a wide range is a huge global problem. An increasing number of people can access
this
Linking Words
 technology using different devices like computers and
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, more and more
kids
Use synonyms
 can play video
games
Use synonyms
 easily. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will first look at the problems before moving on to suggest some possible solutions. One big problem for
kids
Use synonyms
 spending more time on computer
games
Use synonyms
 is the mental distraction
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 these
games
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, these days children are hardly
to
Correct word choice
able to
show examples
 focus for more than three minutes
due to
Linking Words
 the high speed of the technological
games
Use synonyms
, which mentally affects their focus span. A possible solution could be for governments to limit the internet access hours as
this
Linking Words
 may reduce the time spent by
kids
Use synonyms
 playing
games
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 electronic devices. Another essential issue
Correct pronoun usage
that arise
show examples
arise
Change the verb form
arises
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
 is the lack
social
Change preposition
of social
show examples
 skills.
Kid
Add an article
The kid
A kid
show examples
 will be no longer able to communicate successfully with their surroundings. Research shows that children who spend more than five hours a day on computer
games
Use synonyms
 are losing seven words daily from their language bank, which leads to less ability to socialize with others in the community. To solve
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, governments can create social clubs where
kids
Use synonyms
 can meet, play and share experiences.
This
Linking Words
 will
Change the verb form
result
show examples
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
 them
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 less attracted to technological
games
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I would say that mental distraction and
losing
Verb problem
loss of
show examples
 social skills are the main negative impacts of accessing computer
games
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, solving the problem involves
limited
Wrong verb form
limiting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet access by governments and providing more social activities in the community.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your position better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas. This will help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are clear and directly support your main points. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You have identified important problems related to technology use in children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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