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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the process for producing olive oil. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.

The diagram below shows the process for producing olive oil. Provide an overview of the information by identifying and describing the key details, and include comparisons where appropriate.
The picture depicts the steps involved in producing
olives
Use synonyms
 in industries
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the picture is that there are eight main stages in the diagram, from collecting the
olives
Use synonyms
 to delivering them to the store and selling
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people. In the initial step, on the farm, workers use the rake to collect the
olives
Use synonyms
 on the plant, which are stored in the vat for 2 to 3 days.
Then
Linking Words
,
olives
Use synonyms
 are put into a factory to make
oil
Use synonyms
. Once having been washed
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 cool water,
olives
Use synonyms
 are crushed by a three-weight hammer in order to remove olive stones from the container and create
olive
Add an article
an olive
show examples
 paste for the next step. If you look at the picture, you can see that paste made of
olives
Use synonyms
 is brought into a machine that can use
hydraulic
Correct article usage
a hydraulic
show examples
 press and filter paste through many layers to make the first
oil
Use synonyms
. After that,
this
Linking Words
oil
Use synonyms
 is transferred to a centrifuge for spinning and separating.
This
Linking Words
 step helps people filter
oil
Use synonyms
 and water still in
oil
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
they pack
oil
Use synonyms
 into the bottle.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
oil
Use synonyms
 is transported to the store to serve the needs of consumers.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words olives, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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