IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Do the developments in technology make crime easier to detect or do they make people more vulnerable to crime? Discuss both sides and give your opinion

In my opinion,I believe
technology
Use synonyms
 will become much easier as long as
technology
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 develops without making sure that
people
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 have the knowledge
of handling
Change preposition
to handle
show examples
 it the right way,and use it carefully without immersing
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 in a virtual
world
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,no doubt
technology
Use synonyms
 represents a gigantic part of our lives
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 days.
For instance
Linking Words
,if we are feeling bored we play video games,talk to a long-distance friend,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
ordering
Wrong verb form
order
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 food without feeling the need to walk down the streets.
Especillay
Correct your spelling
Especially
 at midnight.
Technology
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 helps
people
Use synonyms
 from different countries to connect and communicate.
For example
Linking Words
,learning a new language by befriending someone who speaks it without the need to pay money for tutors.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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,
there's
Wrong verb form
there are
show examples
 a lot of consequences of using
technology
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 extensively,
for example
Linking Words
 living in a
mitavesre
Correct your spelling
modern
world
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instead
Linking Words
 of the real
world
Use synonyms
,being lazy and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 home all day,
in addition
Linking Words
 to,losing
interest
Add an article
the interest
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 going back to the real
world
Use synonyms
 and
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
show examples
 the monotonous of
this
Linking Words
 unhealthy routine for a prolonged time.Using
thecnolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 will make your life easier for sure,but depending on it and living
beneath
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 fake
world
Use synonyms
 might cause you a huge damage by allowing criminals to invade your life by posting and socialising only online,
will
Correct pronoun usage
which will
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 absolutely make
people
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 exposed and vulnerable to crimes.
Additionally
Linking Words
,yes I do believe
technology
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 may help
detecting
Wrong verb form
detect
show examples
 crimes,but not
fast
Rephrase
as fast
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 as the crimes
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 committed.That's why
people
Use synonyms
 will become vulnerable each day
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
obsessing over
metaverse
Correct article usage
the metaverse
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 will only make them more emotional and feel depressed which might lead them
either
Fix the infinitive
to either
show examples
killing
Wrong verb form
kill
show examples
 themselves or others.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'for example' to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. For example, when mentioning criminal activity, you could describe a specific type of crime that technology affects.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on one main idea. This will improve the overall flow of your writing.
task achievement
You have a good understanding of the topic and provide a balanced view by discussing both sides.
task achievement
You demonstrate awareness of real-world implications of technology on people's lives, which is an important point to consider.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance technology
  • Digital forensics
  • Cybersecurity
  • Encryption
  • Intrusion detection systems
  • Cybercrime
  • Phishing
  • Ransomware
  • Identity theft
  • VPN (Virtual Private Network)
  • Dark web
  • Anonymity
  • Real-time monitoring
  • Law enforcement
  • Automated systems
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • Forensic analysis
  • Evidence gathering
  • Digital footprint
  • Cybercriminals
What to do next:
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