IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many cities an increasing number of people do not know their neighbours and there is lack of a sense of community.* *What are the causes of this problem?* *How can it be solved?

In today`s contemporary era,
people
Use synonyms
 are so busy in their personal lives. In many cities,
people
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 do not know their
neighbours
Use synonyms
 and do not prefer to talk with them.
This
Linking Words
 can be eradicated by arranging social activities. The reason behind these problems is
such
Linking Words
 as extra workload and
time
Use synonyms
 spent on the internet.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many
people
Use synonyms
 love to spend their free
time
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, on
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 or watching movies or sports.
In addition
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 to
this
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, some
people
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 have an addiction towards social media, so they do not come out from home, as they become non-interactive
people
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 in society.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who work regularly, have very little
time
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 for social activities. They
also
Linking Words
 have their family and friends to give
time
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,
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a result, they are suffering
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 involved with
neighbours
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was research done at Western Sydney University says, that
people
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 who work hard and have family responsibilities, may suffer from maintaining relationships with the neighbourhood. To eradicate
this
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 problem, the government should give holidays on weekends, so
people
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 get more
time
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 to connect with their
neighbours
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the ministry can
also
Linking Words
 arrange public functions in large cities to unite
people
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, which can lead to happiness for the crowd.
People
Use synonyms
 in society
also
Linking Words
 make plans to get together or they can decide to celebrate festivals together,
this
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 can make their bonds healthier.
For example
Linking Words
, there was an article in the Times of India, that
neighbours
Use synonyms
 who enjoy festivals and partying in society, may be very helpful to each other. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 who are not in touch with their
neighbours
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 they are having lack of sense of community, and
this
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 can be solved by celebrating festivals
together with
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 them. So, they can help each other when they needed.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences relate to it.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and explanations to support your points. This will enhance clarity.
task achievement
Consider adding more details about how social activities can be arranged and their benefits.
positives
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that outlines the main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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