IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed due to technological advances. Do the advantagesof this trend outweigh the disadvantage?

The technological innovations in the modern world
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 amended the range and
quality
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 that we purchase. There are both advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 development
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 the former
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the latter because it increases the availability and variety of
food
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 enhances the
quality
Use synonyms
 and safety of these
eatable
Correct word choice
edible
show examples
 items. First and foremost, the technological advancements
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made a wider range of
food
Use synonyms
 items available throughout the year, even if it is out of season or grown
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
far-away
Use the right word
faraway
show examples
 places. Improved transportation facilities
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased the possibility of carrying stuff from one place to another conveniently.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, apple is mostly grown in the
North
Replace the word
northern
show examples
 hilly areas
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is easily available in the plain areas,
as well as
Linking Words
 the
South
Correct word choice
southern
show examples
 part of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 of the availability of means to carry
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from
Correct article usage
the plsce
show examples
plsce
Correct your spelling
place
 of
origination
Replace the word
origin
show examples
 to the place of consumption.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the new developments in the field of technology
also
Linking Words
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in improving the
quality
Use synonyms
 and the safety of
food
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, various preservatives and modern techniques
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to increase the lifespan of the edibles, for their long-term usage.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the utilisation of pesticides and fertilisers aids in enhancing and maintaining the nutritious
quality
Use synonyms
 of crops.
For instance
Linking Words
,
pasteurization
Use the right word
pasteurisation
show examples
 is a very easy and common method in the modern world to prevent milk from getting stale. Conclusively, there are some disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend as well,
such
Linking Words
 as it increases the pollution or may expose people to potential health risks, but the pros are more than
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
. The positive side has more weightage because it increases the availability of
food
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 it makes sure that the
quality
Use synonyms
 and safety of the foodstuff is not compromised.

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grammar
Fix grammar errors and use the right number with verbs (e.g., 'has' vs 'have').
structure
Make a short clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
content
Give more full details for the bad points and give more examples.
mechanics
Check spelling and punctuation to help read the text.
cohesion
Keep sentences short and one idea per sentence for better flow.
content
The writer takes a position and sticks to it.
cohesion
There are good linking words to show order (First, Secondly, Conclusively).
content
The paragraph set is used to show ideas about availability and safety.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • food production
  • availability
  • quality
  • healthy
  • online shopping
  • delivery services
  • refrigeration
  • preserve
  • waste
  • seasonal foods
  • nutrition
  • processed foods
  • small farms
  • large operations
What to do next:
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