IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed due to technological advances. Do the advantagesof this trend outweigh the disadvantage?

The
varity
Correct your spelling
variety
 and excellence of
food
Use synonyms
 availability
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 transformed
due to
Linking Words
 the innovation in
technology
Use synonyms
 which has many positive and negative effects on the market
as well as
Linking Words
 on consumers.
However
Linking Words
, I believe there are more benefits
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advancement
instead
Linking Words
 of the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. First of all,
technology
Use synonyms
 has improved
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 production, making it faster and more efficient.
This
Linking Words
 leads to greater
food
Use synonyms
 availability for people.
For example
Linking Words
:
greenhouses
Fix the agreement mistake
greenhouse
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 projects
aims
Change the verb form
aim
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high production of crops and vegetables in a controlled environment.
This
Linking Words
 attains the goal of produce accessible throughout the year which controls the market price and the
quality
Use synonyms
 of product to a great level.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with
technology
Use synonyms
,
farmers
Use synonyms
 can use better methods, like drones and
sensons
Correct your spelling
sensors
, to grow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 crops. Drones can help spray fertilisers and pesticides without any risk of physical harm to the health, at the same time, sensors can detect the accurate
temprature
Correct your spelling
temperature
 inside greenhouses. These can help grow crops faster and healthier, which in turn drastically raises the
quality
Use synonyms
 and quantity. On the other side, there is one major drawback,
small scale
Add a hyphen
small-scale
show examples
farmers
Use synonyms
 have to compete with the bigger corporations which can overshadow them easily.
Cost
Correct article usage
The cost
show examples
 of
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 is very high and
maintainence
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 as well, which can impact small farms and
farmers
Use synonyms
 terribly. To illustrate, storage of
food
Use synonyms
 requires industrial
refrigrators
Correct your spelling
refrigerators
refrigerator
 which in turn
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 setup and extra space. Corporations will have the bigger market and they can use that space for various purposes
while
Linking Words
 small or
medium scale
Add a hyphen
medium-scale
show examples
farmers
Use synonyms
 will struggle in
such
Linking Words
 scenarios.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge amount of
food
Use synonyms
 with great
quality
Use synonyms
 can be attained with improved
technology
Use synonyms
, but there are some drawbacks which can affect the
farmers
Use synonyms
 when big industries start
taking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
participation
Replace the word
participating
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make your introduction clearer. State your main idea more strongly.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas, like 'firstly', 'however', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details in some points to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You provide good examples of technology in farming, like drones and greenhouses.
coherence cohesion
Your main idea is clear: you believe technology has more benefits than drawbacks.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • food production
  • availability
  • quality
  • healthy
  • online shopping
  • delivery services
  • refrigeration
  • preserve
  • waste
  • seasonal foods
  • nutrition
  • processed foods
  • small farms
  • large operations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: