IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, various sectors in the whole
world
Use synonyms
 have been developed in positive ways so quickly over the years, specifically in technology. These bring an assumption that as a human, we have to expand our sight to see what is happening in the
world
Use synonyms
 today. Some people believe that it must begin at a very young age, particularly for secondary
school
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
. On the opposite, those believe that it is just an unnecessary thing and a waste of time
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
children
Use synonyms
 must be taught about
this
Linking Words
 to build a big dream and prepare them to face the real
world
Use synonyms
 by having an open mind and a wise perspective.
First,
Linking Words
I highly agree that international
news
Use synonyms
 could be taught by teachers as one of the additional subjects in
school
Use synonyms
. International
news
Use synonyms
 will give life lessons to secondary
school
Use synonyms
 kids about how the advancement in
such
Linking Words
 various vectors in the
world
Use synonyms
 happened.
For instance
Linking Words
, the advancement of technology, particularly in artificial intelligence, has gained so much attention from various industries
such
Linking Words
 as computers, spacecraft, automobiles, household machines and even robotic industries.
This
Linking Words
 will open
children
Use synonyms
's minds to have big dreams, whether they want to become engineers, professors or astronauts. On the other side, various
news
Use synonyms
 can build them to have a strong mental, critical thinking and wise perspective in facing the
world
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 understand that
children
Use synonyms
 will not fully grasp the main importance of learning international
news
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, with teacher assistance, they will guide students in the right way to achieve impactful results.
For example
Linking Words
, for crime international
news
Use synonyms
, teachers must guide
children
Use synonyms
 to not feel scared about the
world
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 must build their self-awareness about other people's actions and not treat them badly.
Children
Use synonyms
 must have a good attitude toward everyone. I believe that by adding
this
Linking Words
 lesson as a new subject at secondary
school
Use synonyms
, it won't replace other important subjects
such
Linking Words
 as math, physics, science, history, geography etc.
although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be added as an additional subject for parents who agree with the idea. In conclusion, I believe that we can get a lot of life lessons by learning international
news
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 in secondary
school
Use synonyms
 will have an open mind to face the real
world
Use synonyms
 when they grow up.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to expand on the opposing viewpoint to provide a more balanced argument. While you effectively explain why international news can be beneficial for secondary school students, adding more discussion on why some might consider it unnecessary would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This will aid in providing a logical structure and enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the debate by clearly presenting both sides of the argument, which helps in framing your opinion.
task achievement
You offer relevant examples to support your points, especially in explaining how international news can inspire students to think about various career paths.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your point of view and emphasizes the potential long-term benefits for students.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: