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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (HOANG NHI)

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (HOANG NHI)
The given table shows the percentage of national consumer
expenditure
Use synonyms
 in five
countries
Use synonyms
 (Ireland,Italy,Spain,Sweden,Turkey) in 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, the consumers of all five
countries
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spent the most
show examples
 on food, drinks, and tobacco was the highest,
while
Linking Words
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on leisure and education was the lowest. In the first category:food/drink/tobacco,the data of consumer spending by Turkish citizens had the largest
expenditure
Use synonyms
 at 32.14%, followed by Irish people at 28.91%.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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in the remaining 3
countries
Use synonyms
 -Italy,Spain and Sweden,the amount of consumer
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was approximately 17%. In terms of fashion,
Italian
Fix the agreement mistake
Italians
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 took up the highest proportion at 9.00%,
while
Linking Words
Swedish
Correct article usage
the Swedish
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 community again spent the least at 5.40%. The other
countries
Use synonyms
, including Turkey, Ireland, and Spain, expended similar amounts
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 6%.
Finally
Linking Words
,for entertainment and education, the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was significantly lower compared to the other categories.Specifically,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 amount of money spent on
this
Linking Words
 category by Turkish people was the highest with 4.35%,following that are
Italian
Replace the word
Italians
show examples
,Swedish and Irish spent
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 amount at 3%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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