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Writing Samples
Band 7

I In some cultures, children are told they can achieve anything if they work hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some cultures,
children
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 are told they can achieve anything if they
work
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 hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving
children
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this
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message
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? In many cultures, it is common for
children
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 to hear that hard
work
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 will help them achieve anything in life.
While
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this
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message
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 can be motivating and build strong
work
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 ethics, it
also
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 has its drawbacks if not presented carefully. One major advantage of
this
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message
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 is that it teaches
children
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 the value of effort and perseverance. When
children
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 believe that success depends on their hard
work
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, they are more likely to stay motivated, set goals, and
work
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 consistently towards them.
For example
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, a student who struggles in math may not give up easily if they believe effort can change the outcome.
This
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 mindset builds resilience and confidence, which are useful both in education and in later life. Another benefit is that
this
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 belief can create a positive and ambitious mindset.
Children
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 may dream big, aim high, and feel empowered rather than limited by their background or current situation. It encourages them to believe that their future is in their own hands.
However
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages. One issue is that
this
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message
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 may create unrealistic expectations. Not all goals are achievable through hard
work
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 alone; factors
such
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 as talent, opportunity, and luck
also
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 play a role.
For instance
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, a child who wants to become a famous athlete may not succeed, even with years of training, if they lack natural ability or access to resources.
Furthermore
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, constantly hearing
this
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message
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 may lead to feelings of failure and guilt when
children
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 do not achieve their goals. They may blame themselves completely, thinking they did not
work
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 hard enough, rather than understanding that some things are beyond their control.
This
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 can harm their self-esteem and mental health. In conclusion, telling
children
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 they can achieve anything if they
work
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 hard has both benefits and risks.
While
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 it encourages persistence and ambition, it should be delivered with care to avoid pressure and disappointment.
Children
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 should
also
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 be taught to accept failure and understand the role of other factors in success.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas more clearly with transition words or phrases. This will help the reader follow your logic better.
task achievement
You may include more specific examples that directly relate to your main points to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain a more formal tone in some sections to match the academic style of IELTS essays.
task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced perspective on the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples helps to support your points and clarify your ideas, making your essay more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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