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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#sports #athletes #substances #performance
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An increasing number of professional athletes are using performance-enhancing
drugs
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 that are illegal.
This
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 rise is because they get a competitive advantage against their opponents using
such
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substances
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, and the leniency of countries allows
this
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 to happen. We can solve
this
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 by making laws stricter and teaching the public about the negative
effects
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 of
such
Linking Words
drugs
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 on health.
Firstly
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, the sportsmen who inject themselves with these
substances
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 have an advantage when they perform.
This
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 is because
substances
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 that improve performance have the capability of modifying hormones that are responsible for energy production;
therefore
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, many
people
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 resort to them to win competitions.
Secondly
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,
governments
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 are not serious about
this
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 issue.
That is
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 to say that they do not focus on illegal performance-enhancing medications as they do with other
substances
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.
For example
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, the UK law does not punish anabolic steroid
users
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 as it punishes narcotic abusers.
This
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 resulted in a surplus of steroid
users
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 in the past decade. To fix
this
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,
governments
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 should make their policies stricter against these
drug
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users
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. They can start by fining them or by having them do community service. If they are charged a huge fine, they are most likely to quit taking enhancement
drugs
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.
For example
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, certain states in the USA imposed rules against anabolic steroid
users
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 because of
drug
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 misuse.
In addition
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,
governments
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 can educate
people
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 about the harmful
effects
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 of
such
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drug
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 usage.
This
Linking Words
 is to say they can campaign or advertise about its detrimental
effects
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 on the human body.
Consequently
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, many
people
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 will stay away from these harmful
drugs
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. In conclusion, more
people
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 are using illegal performance
drugs
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 to have a better chance
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 winning.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
governments
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 are not strict with
drug
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users
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.
However
Linking Words
, stricter laws and education about the harmful
effects
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 of
such
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drugs
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 can help combat the increase in banned substance use.
Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on

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coherence cohesion
Work on making transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance the flow of your writing. Using transition phrases like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' or 'in addition' can help.
task achievement
Provide a broader range of examples and explanations to substantiate your points. Diversifying your examples can make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing the overall argument effectively.
task achievement
The response thoroughly addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing causes and solutions in a clear manner.
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