IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spent most of the time indoors and have little exposure to the nature. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature? Give reasons of your answers and give relevant example of your experience.

In
this
Linking Words
 material world, the issue of spending
time
Use synonyms
 on behalf of
children
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a common concern in all sectors of society. Several juveniles pass their
time
Use synonyms
 in the house
due to
Linking Words
 the
high
Correct word choice
rapid
show examples
 pace of technology. I personally believe that they
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 do the outdoor activities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, before going for a reasoned conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will outline the reasons with relevant examples. On the one hand, a great number of merits come from the first statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, parents are nowadays
superbusy
Use the right word
super busy
show examples
 with their work and do not give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
; even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to take their
children
Use synonyms
 outside .
As a result
Linking Words
, they have to stay most of the
time
Use synonyms
 in their houses.
For example
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 have one cousin who
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 his
day
Use the right word
daytime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in the house as his parents are working.
However
Linking Words
, it happens in all places
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
supervising
Replace the word
supervision
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. The other point could be that
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 has changed a lot now
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 kids have extra pressure to study all.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they have tutors for every subject so that they can
do
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 a bright result.
For instance
Linking Words
, my cousin has three tutors after school
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 so he does not play outside with other
children
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, researcher says that kids should play in
nature
Use synonyms
 and enjoy their
time
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is beneficial for their development.
In addition
Linking Words
, they should learn from
nature
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is a big source of knowledge. To cite an example, scientists prove that
children
Use synonyms
 who spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in
nature
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are strong and capable of solving difficult tasks
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
show examples
 than
children
Use synonyms
 who do not spend
time
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
. The
othar
Correct your spelling
other
 point could be that young
children
Use synonyms
 need vitamin B12 in their
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
body
Punctuation problem
body,
show examples
 where
sunray
Check wording
sunlight
show examples
 is a good source of
this
Linking Words
 vitamin. If
children
Use synonyms
 do
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
 play outside, they will suffer from
this
Linking Words
 essential vitamin.
To sum up
Linking Words
, having
summerised
Correct your spelling
summarised
 both the views,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 personally believe that
children
Use synonyms
 ought to go
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 play outside for their physical and mental development.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
 they will suffer a lot in the future for the deficiency of vitamins
as well as
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge of
nature
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and the main points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear paragraphs and transition words to link your ideas together.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
Content
You have clearly highlighted the importance of outdoor activities for children.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • mental and emotional well-being
  • calming effect
  • reduce stress
  • sense of responsibility
  • conservation
  • protecting the environment
  • physically active
  • obesity
  • related health issues
  • sparks creativity
  • sensory-rich environment
  • cognitive growth
  • problem-solving skills
  • educational outcomes
  • outdoor learning experiences
  • tangible and engaging
  • appreciation of nature
  • environmental awareness
  • natural world
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