IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that being without a
job
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 can unsure to be enjoyed rather than having an undesired occupation,
while
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 some oppose
this
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 notion. I personally argue in favour. Some people prefer to get out of a
job
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instead
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 of working in a field they dislike. Because it not only has a negative effect on their mental
health
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, but it
also
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 reduces the productivity of their jobs.
As a result
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, they can get a strongly stressed regularly. Over time,
this
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 can develop serious
health
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 issues
such
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 as heart attacks and circulatory system problems.
Thus
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, first of all, they ought to think about their
health
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 even if they lose their
job
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.
Moreover
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,
according to
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 some, they should go on working even if unwanted. If they do not work, they will face various financial problems.
For example
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, they must cover their communal bills
such
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 as wifi , estate tax, and insurance. If they do not have a
job
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, it will negatively affect their psychology.
Consequently
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, they may feel poor and disconnected from society.
Additionally
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, people are working more in order to live a good life.
For instance
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, some people work two jobs, since they have responsibilities in their lives,
such
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 as different kinds of loans, and children's
training
Check wording
education
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.
Therefore
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, they must earn money and cover their living cost,
although
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 they
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an unpleasant
job
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. In conclusion, my opinion, if they are working at a
job
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, they would lose
health
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 and waste time. They should pay more attention to their own interesting occupation.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly state your opinion. Try to rephrase the question clearly and add your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce your points better.
task achievement
Remember to include more specific examples that relate to your arguments. Examples help to support your points strongly.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and punctuation, especially in compound sentences. This will help make your points clearer.
task achievement
You clearly present your opinion on the topic, which is a strong start.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main point well, helping to wrap up your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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