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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

‏The below chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

‏The below chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
The pie chart illustrates the main causes of worldwide land
gegradation
Correct your spelling
degradation
, which
divided
Verb problem
are divided
show examples
 into 4 sections (over-grazing,
over-cultiveation
Correct your spelling
over-cultivation
,
deoforestation
Correct your spelling
deforestation
, and other).
Linking Words
While the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 table shows how these factors affected 3 countries (North America, Europe, and Oceania) during the 90s.
Overall
Linking Words
, the diagram shows that
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reason that
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
 areas become less productive
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
over- grazing
Use the right word
over-grazing
show examples
 by farmers, especially in
Oceania
Correct article usage
the Oceania
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 region.
However
Linking Words
, deforestation
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
count for
Verb problem
contributes
show examples
 a large percentage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the problem, making it the second main reason, but the difference is that
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 more common in
Correct article usage
the Europe
show examples
Europe
Use the right word
European
show examples
 region. A closer look at the data reveals that over-grazing
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 for 35% of land
damge
Correct your spelling
damage
, followed by deforestation practices of 30%, with
over-harvest
Replace the word
over-harvesting
show examples
 plants by 28%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the information on the table demonstrated the total
reiogns
Correct your spelling
regions
 that have the most amounts of degraded landscape, which comes from
Europe
Use the right word
European
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 with a high proportion of 23% and followed by Oceania
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 13%.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, North America experienced the
total least
Correct word order
least total
show examples
 land degradation.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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