IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Every person is extremely
close
Replace the word
closely
show examples
 connected with
art
Use synonyms
. You
can don’t
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
understand fully
Correct word order
fully understand
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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this
Linking Words
 sphere made a huge
affection
Check wording
impact
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 on
people
Use synonyms
. So, it is understandable
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 why
this
Linking Words
 subject is in
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 program. But some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
children
Use synonyms
 can improve without
art
Use synonyms
. And somebody
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
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 that it is
unnecessary
Correct article usage
an unnecessary
show examples
 subject. Let’s discuss more about it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I want to
notice
Verb problem
note
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that
people
Use synonyms
 who don’t like
art
Use synonyms
 usually have another view on life generally. And it is understandable
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 why they think that
art
Use synonyms
it’s
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a waste of time. You should dive into
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 idea of
pictures
Correct article usage
the pictures
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, search
interesting
Change preposition
for interesting
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 things for you. If you have
special
Correct article usage
a special
show examples
 situation in your life, maybe there is a lot of work or something like
this
Linking Words
, and
this
Linking Words
 is a
reason
Use synonyms
 why it is difficult for you to spend time on it, probably you will be
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 person who
don’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
show examples
 understand
art
Use synonyms
. Maybe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 you will find development in sport or in science.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who think that
art
Use synonyms
 is essential have
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 soul and critical thinking. Because of
combination
Correct article usage
a combination
show examples
 of
factors
Punctuation problem
factors,
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 they come to thoughts about that human and
art
Use synonyms
 go hand in hand. So,
this
Linking Words
 is the
reason
Use synonyms
 why
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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people
Use synonyms
 want
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
study
Verb problem
to study
show examples
art
Use synonyms
. Talking about myself, I want to say that
art
Use synonyms
 in schools is unnecessary.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
reason
Use synonyms
 is that
art
Use synonyms
 helps to improve critical thinking.
People
Use synonyms
 learn to find more than they see.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
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reason
Use synonyms
 is about
creative
Replace the word
creativity
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. When
children
Use synonyms
 look at
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 works of
worldly famous
Use the right word
world-famous
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creators
Punctuation problem
creators,
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 it helps them to remove
Correct article usage
the limit
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limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
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 of
abilities
Correct pronoun usage
their abilities
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.
Third
Correct article usage
The third
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reason
Use synonyms
 is that
art
Use synonyms
 helps to understand yourself. You can notice what types of
art
Use synonyms
appeals
Fix the agreement mistake
appeal
show examples
 to you, and it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
shapes your individuality. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 I want to say that
art
Use synonyms
 is really essential in my opinion. If
children
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn more about
Use synonyms
art
Punctuation problem
art,
show examples
 it will make them smarter and more suitable for
next
Correct word choice
future
show examples
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 in different spheres.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Try to group similar ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' to help connect your points and make it easier to follow your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction, and then support it with examples throughout the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detail or examples. This will help to create clearer and more comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
You provided an interesting perspective on both sides of the argument, which shows good critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion clearly, which is good for wrapping up your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
What to do next:
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