IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machine are new able to do the work which people used to perform. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

With the rising trend of new
technology
Use synonyms
 in all sectors of daily life activities, I believe there will be more drawbacks than advantages. I will explain in full
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
. The biggest
disdavantage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 of relying heavily on
technology
Use synonyms
 and incorporating
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 our daily lives is, the
technology
Use synonyms
 will replace us. In terms of career perspectives, a robot only
requries
Correct your spelling
requires
 maintenance and bug fixes. It has
unlimited
Correct article usage
an unlimited
show examples
 amount of energy, and maintains the optimal level of productivity,
whereas
Linking Words
 a human needs frequent breaks, and work quality goes down by the hour.
Thus
Linking Words
, companies will be more inclined towards using
robots
Use synonyms
 than humans, which will undoubtedly enhance the jobless rate. High costs
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 another drawback of increasing
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
machineries
Fix the agreement mistake
machinery
show examples
. In order to produce a single robot
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consists of numerous expensive components. When companies are tasked to build hundreds of those
robots
Use synonyms
, it will become increasingly arduous to sustain themselves as they have to regularly update the
robots
Use synonyms
,
further
Linking Words
uplifting
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
 their costs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, excessive air pollution is
also
Linking Words
 a downside of continuously building new machines. To meet the companies' desired
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
robots
Use synonyms
, the factories would have to work twice or thrice as hard. Burning charcoal and other resources will heavily contribute to the toxic fumes being released into the atmosphere.
As a result
Linking Words
, the air quality will worsen. There is a silver lining to the concept of
utilizing
Use the right word
utilising
show examples
 machines for our daily activities. As
robots
Use synonyms
 can enhance productivity with whatever they are tasked with,
this
Linking Words
 is a huge benefit for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans.
For example
Linking Words
, if a robot is used in the
argiculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 sector, the crops will grow exponentially, and the farmers' quality of life
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 significantly
become better
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 because they do not have to consistently work hard.
However
Linking Words
, ultimately,
this
Linking Words
 will lead towards joblessness
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that machines perform better than humans.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the disadvantages I mentioned above clearly outweigh the advantages of increasing
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 and development of new
technology
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and clearly connects to the main topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning specific types of jobs affected by technology.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your ideas. Use linking words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'for example' to create a smoother transition between sentences.
task achievement
You have clearly expressed your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You have mentioned multiple downsides of increasing technology use, which shows good analysis of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: