IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Essay topics: creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think the
government
Use synonyms
 should give money to creative people.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 and will explain the reasons. First of all, the
government
Use synonyms
 is responsible for the dwellers' lifestyle and for making life easy and convenient.
However
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should
afford
Verb problem
provide
show examples
 essential services
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, schools, and public services.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a creative person can open a business to gain money
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will get income.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a creative person is a talent and an achievement. In conclusion, a talented person needs a life to be easy, so he can have a smooth day to be talented in something he
like
Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 why I believe the
government
Use synonyms
 should expend money to improve and build facilities and premises.

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task achievement
Your introduction gives a clear opinion but could better outline your main points. Try to briefly state the reasons in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas need clearer connections. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to explain your ideas more fully. For example, explain how a creative person's business could work.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly states your opinion and summarises your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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