IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates the information about different activities and participants
numbers
Check wording
apply
show examples
at one of the social
center
Replace the word
centres
show examples
 located in
melbourne
Fix capitalization
Melbourne
show examples
,
australia
Fix capitalization
Australia
show examples
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
between
Change preposition
over
show examples
 5
Use synonyms
year
Correct your spelling
5-year
 period (2000-2020).
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
show examples
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club was the most popular thing to do
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all five
years
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 number of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 in all the
years
Use synonyms
.
musical
Fix capitalization
Musical
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 performances were
late
Correct article usage
a late
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 addition to the activities
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 all other
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 were there since the beginning of the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 and
started
Verb problem
apply
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rose the population
Correct word order
the population rose
show examples
 over the
years
Use synonyms
. In the
mean time
Use the right word
meantime
show examples
amateur
Punctuation problem
, amateur
show examples
 dramatics started to
declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
 number of participants over the
years
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club was
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 popular
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 all the members in the
5
Use the right word
5-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 span.
Linking Words
according
Fix capitalization
According
show examples
 to the data given in the graph, it
steady
Verb problem
remains steady
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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between 60-70
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 from 2000 to 2020.
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
 the other hand, no one
interested
Verb problem
was interested
show examples
 in music performances until 2005
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the activity started to grow over the
years
Use synonyms
 from 0 to
approximatley
Correct your spelling
approximately
 15 members in 2020.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
amatuer
Correct your spelling
amateur
 dramatics started with roughly 25 to declined to around 5 members.
Finally
Linking Words
, martial arts fluctuated between roughly 30 to 35 over
th
Correct your spelling
the
5
Use the right word
5-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 span
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 table tennis gained
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 population after
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 with the dramatic
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 from 20 - 50 (
respectivley
Correct your spelling
respectively
 2010-2020).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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