IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many governments believe that
the
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economic progress is the ultimate goal of a country,
due to
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 its power to make
the
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life easier for humans .
However
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, there are a group of
people
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 who claim other
sectors
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, including education and health, are as important as the
economy
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due to
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 having a sustainable progress of the nation. In
this
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 essay, both views will be discussed. One of the main reasons why many insist on the importance of
the
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economic progress
,
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apply
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 is its crucial role in making
the
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life more comfortable for humans. When a country has plenty of money, it can invest
huge
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a huge
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 amount of it to create various civilian infrastructure, and
also
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 import goods
with
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of
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 the highest quality in order to provide its
people
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 with the best of everything.
In addition
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, a
dinamic
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dynamic
 and powerful
economy
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 leads to more job opportunities for
people
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 and
consequently
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, a low unemployment percentage.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that other
sectors
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 are as important as the
economy
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. It is undeniable that everyone in a community needs an advanced education and a reliable healthcare system. If a nation wants to continue to
growth
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grow
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 in various
sectors
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, it requires well-educated
people
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their country's requirements, including engineering, medicine and the like. The educational system
,
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apply
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 needs heavy investments in its different
sectors
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, including schools, universities and the like, in order to be able to provide necessary materials for students. In conclusion,
although
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 the
economy
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 plays a crucial role in making
the
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life more comfortable for humans, other
sectors
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 are as necessary as the
economy
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,
due to
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 their effective role in having a sustainable and reliable growth.
Thus
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, I believe governments have to invest equally in all
sectors
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.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a good overview but could be clearer about your opinion. Make sure to clearly state your viewpoint so it’s easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to help with flow. Words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' make it easier to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Add specific examples to support your points about education and healthcare. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You have successfully identified and discussed both views regarding economic progress and other types of progress.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points well and states your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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