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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart show attendance of people in different ages in music event 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart show attendance of people in different ages in music event 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant.
Looking at the graph from a general perspective , it can easily be noticed that the 15-24
age
Use synonyms
 group was immersed in popular
music
Use synonyms
 shows most,
whereas
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for people aged above 55 .
In addition
Linking Words
, classical
music
Use synonyms
 was not favourable among individuals . Regarding the
age
Use synonyms
 groups that favoured popular
music
Use synonyms
 , the adolescents took the lead , accounting for nearly 40% ,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of the 35-44
age
Use synonyms
 bracket was roughly 5% lower .
In addition
Linking Words
 , approximately 26% people from 25 to 34 years old engaged in
this
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 genre,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of the 45-54
age
Use synonyms
 group was recorded at 13% , which was halved that of the former.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , just 5% of the elderly above 55 years old were interested in popular musical shows . Looking at Classical
music
Use synonyms
 , the attendance was steady in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups, ranging from 8% to 11% .
Similarly
Linking Words
, the percentage of people who were into opera type fluctuated between 14% , with the exception of the 35-44
age
Use synonyms
 bracket , which was notably represented , roughly 25%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, music with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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