Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary world, a lot of food and drink consists of a high dose of
sugar
in the manufacturing process, which can result in many health ailments.
Hence
, many individuals propose that sugary products should be made more expensive, resulting in the encouragement of people to consume less
sugar
. In my opinion, it would be a good decision to make and
this
essay will present why
this
option is the best. First and foremost,
such
a decision will not hinder the economic growth of the country,
due to
the fact that light
policies
would not affect the economy substantially.
As a result
, many
companies
will not be pressured extensively, which gives an opportunity for other international
companies
to join the local market, contributing money to the economy by taxation.
For example
, one
such
practice is implemented in Germany, which works to
this
day and
this
practice resulted in an
overall
decrease in
sugar
-related deceases.
Furthermore
, implementing
such
policies
will encourage the local population to find healthy alternatives for
sugar
and will develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local production to marginalize
this
situation. Owing to the specific character of
policies
, people will try to replace
sugar
with other products and many international
companies
will not be able to fill
such
a hole in the industry, which gives way to local
companies
.
For instance
, Finland is known for similar
policies
, where they benefited significantly from developing the local industry.
To conclude
, I fully agree with the statement presented previously and
this
could be beneficial not only for the local population
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
for the local industry.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the coherence could be improved by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas between and within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is fairly strong, with a clear progression of ideas. Nonetheless, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the main points do not overlap to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Your supporting main points are relevant to the thesis statement. To enhance this, consider providing more detailed and varied examples to further support your argument.
task achievement
It's evident that you have addressed the essay prompt fully, but consider expanding your ideas to include potential counterarguments and refutations, which can deepen the analytical aspect of your task response.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are clear and comprehensive. To improve, focus on deepening the demonstration of critical thinking and analysis of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and specific to the topic, which is excellent. To further enhance your essay, ensure that your examples are detailed and contribute significantly to the argument you are making.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
What to do next:
Look at other essays: