IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that students should be taught how to manage money in primary schools and secondary schools because it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals argue that educational
instutations
Correct your spelling
institutions
 should teach students
money
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management
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 as it is an essential life skill.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because it
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 them to
value
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money
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 and to avoid financial issues in the future. Teaching
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
money
Use synonyms
management
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 in
schools
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
value
Use synonyms
money
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 more.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, many
children
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 nowadays do not
value
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money
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 and waste their
money
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 on fast fashion clothing or
meanless
Use the right word
meaningless
show examples
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because their parents give them
money
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 without
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 them how to
propebly
Correct your spelling
properly
 spend their
money
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 or save it for something that
matter
Correct subject-verb agreement
matters
show examples
, so if
schools
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 take
this
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role
Punctuation problem
role,
show examples
 it may lead to better
money
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management
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.
For instance
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, in Germany, there are two educational
instatutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 added
money
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management
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 as a subject to see if there will be a change in
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children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 behaviour towards
money
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.
Schools
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 noticed
children
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 started to
value
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money
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 more and actually save 70% of the
money
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 they get
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 their parents. Teaching
children
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 how to manage
money
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 could result in avoiding any financial issues when they become adults.
In other words
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, educating students
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can prepare them to avoid one of the
real world
Use the right word
real-world
show examples
 problems and
equiped
Correct your spelling
equip
 them with an essential skill that will be
long-term
Correct article usage
a long-term
show examples
 return investment for them.
For example
Linking Words
, in Norway, a study stated that 80% of people who have financial
isuues
Correct your spelling
issues
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 because it their lack of
knolodge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 on how to
mange
Use the right word
manage
show examples
money
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. In conclusion, I believe it is important for
children
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 to be taught how to manage
money
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 in
schools
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, as it
promotes
Verb problem
helps
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
value
Use synonyms
 things and not waste their
money
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 on
meanless
Use the right word
meaningless
show examples
 things
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it may keep them away from financial problems later in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize your ideas clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to connect your ideas, like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Be careful with spelling and grammar. Check words like 'students', 'institutions', 'issues', and 'knowledge'.
task achievement
Add more detail to your examples to show strong ideas.
task achievement
You presented a clear position that you agree with teaching money management in schools.
task achievement
You gave specific examples from Germany and Norway which supported your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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