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Band 6.5

There is no doubt about the importance of children's development to their lives. While there is a commonly held belief that the media has a significant impact on children's lives, there is also an argument that tends to suggest that the family is the cornerstone of children. This essay will discuss this topic from both points of view and, then present my own opinion.

On the one hand, there is no denying the fact that media
such
Linking Words
 as the Internet and pop culture are heavily on people's lives.
In other words
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, the global nowadays becomes a small village, maybe a song by a band from another continent could be a trend in a faraway place. The internet, particularly social media, is playing a significant role in the orientation of the whole generation.
For example
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, TikTok, which is one of the most popular applications
that is
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 used to start a trend, has crossed the world. So teenagers from different cultures and countries connect and imitate each other.
On the other hand
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the first teachers for their kids. It is
also
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 possible to say that children in their first years spend the most time with their
parents
Use synonyms
, forming their personality.
Moreover
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, a child absorbs the behaviour and learns skills from family ,
then
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 from outside. So, the most impact on kids comes from the first circle - their
parents
Use synonyms
 -,
then
Linking Words
 from family and friends.
For instance
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, a study revealed that children absorb 95% of their skills and behaviour from their
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
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 5% from siblings, cousins, and friends. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
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, I firmly tend to believe that family have the crucial role in kids.It is commonly believed that nowadays the main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role.

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task
Plan before you write. Add a short intro that says the topic and your view. End with a simple conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show how ideas fit, like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'for example'.
grammar
Fix grammar errors, like 'the family have' should be 'the family has'.
examples
Add one clear example for each side to back up the point.
punctuation
Check punctuation and avoid long sentences. Use full stops to end ideas.
lexical
Be careful with facts; avoid using a single 'study' with no date or source.
structure
Good use of 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show both sides.
tone
Clear effort to state a final view and to balance the talk.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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