Some high school students work part-time in addition to going to school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of high school students having part-time jobs? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some
students
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from high
school
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doing
Verb problem
are doing
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their part-
time
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job
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as an
addition
Replace the word
additional
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activity
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after
finish
Wrong verb form
finishing
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their
school
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schedule. Part-
time
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Use synonyms
job
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jobs
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will make
students
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to be
Verb problem
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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hard
worker
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workers
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person
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apply
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but
also
Linking Words
declining
Verb problem
affect
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their academic
result
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performance
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at
school
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.
This
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essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
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this
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these
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views.
Firstly
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,
part-
Correct article usage
a part-time
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time
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job
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is an
activity
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to learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
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about
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apply
show examples
how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
worker
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workers
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, because a restaurant or store will give the
student
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salary
Correct article usage
a salary
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that will make them happy and excited to get more and more. To get more money, they need to be the clever
one
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ones
show examples
, so the owner of the business will give them a bonus
as
Change preposition
for
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their capability. Because of that,
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
will have
enthusiastic
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enthusiasm
show examples
and
spirit
Correct article usage
the spirit
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to be excellent in their
job
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and
became
Wrong verb form
become
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hard worker
Use the right word
hardworking
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staff. It skill can lead them to be a leader in the future and make
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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easier to get a new
job
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. Other than that, doing another non-academic
activity
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outside
school
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will
declining
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
their academic result at
school
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becase
Correct your spelling
because
it
cut
Wrong verb form
cuts
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your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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time
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to study. The obligation of
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student
Correct article usage
a student
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is to study,
finishing
Wrong verb form
finish
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their homework, and become smart. If
students
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choose an option to do their
part
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part-time
show examples
time
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job
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rather than to study and cannot manage their
time
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, they will ignore their homework and
got
Wrong verb form
get
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zero.
Besides
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that,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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will
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
ther
Correct your spelling
their
time
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to bonding and gaining
relation
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relations
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with their
close-friends
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close friends
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. To have
close-friends
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close friends
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at
school
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will make it easier when we need help in daily
school
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.
Overall
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, part-
time
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Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
must
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have their own benefit
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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is gain
Verb problem
include earning
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more money
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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that
Correct determiner usage
this
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choice
will
Verb problem
can
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make
students
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difficulty
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apply
show examples
to learn at
school
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. So,
school
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management can't make another
activity
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that
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
Use synonyms
student's
Check wording
students'
show examples
soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly define the advantages and disadvantages in different paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on only one main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to include specific examples that support your points. Examples can make your arguments stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammar, punctuation, and spelling. This will help convey your ideas more clearly and make your essay easier to read.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of students working part-time, which is good for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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