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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who have moved house either in last 3 years,between 3years to 5 years,not within the last 5 years

The bar chart shows the percentage of people who have moved house either in last 3 years,between 3years to 5 years,not within the last 5 years
The bar chart illustrates the ratios of individuals who have
relocate
Wrong verb form
relocated
show examples
 to other locations
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
three
Use synonyms
 different times
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the past
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
,
amongst
Change preposition
between
show examples
three
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to five
years
Use synonyms
 and after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 40 to 49 have the highest trend as compared to others.
Whereas
Linking Words
, rest all the
three
Use synonyms
closely
Verb problem
are closely
show examples
 relevant to each other.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the chart, there is the highest upsurge increase can be seen
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
approx
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 55 families
shifted
Wrong verb form
shifting
show examples
 to others from 3 to 5
years
Use synonyms
 those who
have in
Verb problem
are
show examples
 between
40's
Check wording
40 and 50 years
show examples
.
Correct word choice
old.
show examples
Whereas
Linking Words
, only 31 and 14 families relocated in moved and not
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 five and after
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the trends of individuals
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 throughout the ages
those
Punctuation problem
, those
show examples
 who moved in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
three
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in 50's there is
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 decline
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is 17.
Similarly
Linking Words
, those who
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 wish to transfer
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
 quite similar but
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
 in
50s
Correct article usage
the 50s
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is approximately 42
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last, whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words three, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • people
  • moved
  • house
  • last
  • years
  • factors
  • decisions
  • trends
  • opportunities
  • family
  • needs
  • stability
  • financial
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