IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

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Nowadays many countries are chasing conflicts
due to
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 ecological damage which is occurring
due to
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 the abundant use of fossil fuels, accumulation of population and cutting down of forests and
this
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 can be addressed through the implementation of the following approaches.
To begin
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 with, societies’ indulgence in facilities working with Fossil fuels has led to numerous problems pollution being the first and foremost of them. With people increasing the use of personal vehicles and exacerbating the car exhaust in the air,
in addition
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 to rising industrial demand, a great volume of CO2 is being emitted, prior to environmental pollution and damage.
Consequently
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, a worldwide decline in biodiversity is anticipated.
For instance
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, British ecologists recorded a massive accumulation of wildfires in several regions
last
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 summer
due to
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 the rising amount of CO2 in the air killing a wide range of native animals.
Moreover
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, contamination of the environment doubled with overpopulation and mass civilization in forests is leading to deforestation of these areas.
As a result
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, there would be less number of plants to sequester CO2 from the air, bettering the contamination.
Therefore
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, the government should dedicate considerable resources to designing systems for absorbing and controlling CO2 emissions.
Consequently
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, countries suffering from economic conflicts would find it laborious to tackle
this
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 issue. To cite an example, Iranian authorities declared the destruction of two lush jungles in northern cities of Iran
due to
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 a lack of adequate facilities to combat ecological disasters.
Although
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 these problems require worldwide contribution, each country can take steps to better the situation.
Firstly
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, governments can implement taxes on the daily use of personal vehicles and improve mass public transportation accessibility and capacity. To illustrate, American governors allocated significant budgets for improving underground transportation which led to less usage of personal ones.
Secondly
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, in order to lessen deforestation, nations should house themselves far from endangered areas to prevent the loss of flora and fauna.
To conclude
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, both the nation and the authorities are being faced with obstacles
due to
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 environmental damage.
However
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, it can be tackled by implementing strict rules on transportation and human habituation.

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logical structure
Ensure the essay has a clear and logical structure. Your essay tends to jump between ideas which can make it challenging for the reader to follow. Work on creating a more fluid transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs themselves.
introduction conclusion present
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be better developed to more effectively present the main argument and summarise the response. Aim to make your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more summarising of the main points discussed.
supported main points
Focus on developing each main point with sufficient detail and support. Some of your main points are not fully elaborated, which leaves the argument feeling incomplete. Providing more analysis and explanation will strengthen your arguments.
complete response
While you addressed the task, the response at times was only partially related to the prompt. To achieve a higher score, make sure that every point you make clearly relates back to the question and that the task is fully completed.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clarity and comprehensiveness in communicating your ideas. At times the essay lacked clarity, potentially due to grammatical errors or unclear expression. Practice simplifying your sentence structures and verifying the clarity of your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. You provided some examples, but they were not always clearly tied to your argument or sufficiently developed to enhance your essay. Aim for examples that are clearly relevant and fully explained.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrialization
  • habitat destruction
  • urbanization
  • overpopulation
  • overexploitation
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • waste management
  • fossil fuels
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable agriculture
  • recycling systems
  • international cooperation
  • conservation
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