It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is no denying the fact that it is important for everybody
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
young
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
to save
money
Use synonyms
for their future.
While
Linking Words
it is a commonly held belief that it is vital for everyone, adding the younglings to save their funds for their future. There is
also
Linking Words
an argument that opposes it. In my point of view, I consider that each and every one
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
to save their
money
Use synonyms
for their future.
To begin
Linking Words
with, by saving up
money
Use synonyms
you will secure financial security
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In other words
Linking Words
, emergencies happen
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
Linking Words
when you will use your
money
Use synonyms
that you saved to get rid of the problem.
In addition
Linking Words
, by saving
funds
Punctuation problem
funds,
show examples
you will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peace of mind knowing that you have a deposit for your emergencies.
For instance
Linking Words
, unexpected expenses
such
Linking Words
as medical bills, car repairs, or job loss
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can happen anytime. Another point to consider
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is freedom and flexibility. It is
also
Linking Words
possible to say that by saving
money
Use synonyms
you will have the ability to make better decisions without being driven
slowley
Correct your spelling
slowly
by financial pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by reducing expenses and saving
Use synonyms
money
Punctuation problem
money,
show examples
you will
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
career freedom.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
you will have the ability to change jobs, start
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
, or even
retierment
Correct your spelling
retire
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
all of these lead to require
substaintial
Correct your spelling
substantial
funds. In conclusion, despite people having
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
views, I believe that it is essential that the
major
Use the right word
majority
show examples
of the
popultion
Correct your spelling
population
should start saving up their
money
Use synonyms
even if it will
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
affect their entertainment or happiness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure to provide a clear counter-argument in your first body paragraph to show you understand both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check grammar and spelling to make your essay easier to read.
Task Achievement
Good idea of financial security is clearly mentioned.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion restates your main point well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: