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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and creativity than spending time on reading books. To what extent do you agree? explain with reasons and examples.

Children
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 can develop their skills and creativity through enjoyable
activities
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 better than by spending time reading books. In my opinion, fun and interactive
activities
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 can strengthen
children
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’s abilities and help them think outside the box. There is no denying the fact that
children
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’s abilities continue to develop until their teenage years.
Therefore
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, we should encourage them to engage in workshops or other
activities
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 that make the learning process more enjoyable.
In addition
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, there are several reasons why many families choose activity-based learning.
For example
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, it can help
children
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 improve their communication skills, become more confident, and develop strong personalities. A good example of
this
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 is KidZania, which is a place that allows
children
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 to explore real-life careers
such
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 as being doctors or engineers in an educational environment.
On the other hand
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, some parents do not trust enjoyable
activities
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 and consider them a waste of time.
In other words
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, these families prefer to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 their
children
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 in summer courses to study essential subjects like math and geography, as they believe that academic learning is the key to success.
For instance
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, a study by Dr. Jones showed that encouraging
children
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 to read helps them develop new skills, stating, “For every 10 books a child reads, they learn a new skill.” In conclusion,
although
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 there are different views on the best way to help
children
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 learn effectively, I believe that practical learning through play and workshops can help
children
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 express themselves in different ways. We must understand that these
activities
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 are not a waste of time but an investment in their potential.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your position right away.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help your writing flow smoother.
task achievement
Try to provide more examples or details to support your points. It will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear opinion and presents both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach.
task achievement
You have provided a real-world example, KidZania, which enhances your argument effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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