IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some peope say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's society, advertisements have become an important part of our daily lives. Some argue that advertising brainwashes individuals into making unnecessary purchases,
while
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 others state that it is crucial for getting updated about the new products. Thousands of products are promoted falsely to make sales.
However
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, there are a huge number of people who made the right decision after being persuaded. I firmly believe that if advertisements are true about their products, they are essential sources of information. In recent years, most commercials have become deceiving in order to catch the audience's attention. In recent research, it was found that 40% of promotions on social media platforms contain false information about the goods that they sell. To illustrate, a cushion foundation that went viral on TikTok got backlash for oxidising , even though it is promoted with the motto "flawless skin like touch". Millions of sales were made out of
this
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 company , but very few were satisfied with their purchase.
However
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, countless useful items reached the audience through promotions and helped individuals.
For example
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, Torriden serums have genuine good reviews about how they helped people with severe acne problems.
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, one cannot deny that most of us discover the goods we purchase through commercials , either on TV or social media. In conclusion, as advertisements are getting increasingly popular over the years, some individuals say that it is a false encouragement of pushing customers into buying items that they don't need,
while
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 others say it's an important source of getting updated about goods. In my opinion, I encourage commercials only if they are truthful about what they sell. In the future, a law should be created on untruthful campaigns so customers can buy items that they actually need.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader know your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear connecting words to link your ideas, such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'. This improves the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, mentioning more successful ads or products could help illustrate your argument better.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for structure.
task achievement
You showed both sides of the argument, which is good for discussing both views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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